The Podcast Diaries: The Crimson Wave E22

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The Transcript: 

Welcome to The Crimson Wave. 

We should not be singers. Never should we be singers. Hello listeners, welcome to another episode of your favorite podcast, clearly, The Crimson Wave. I'm Jess Beaulieu.

And I'm Natalie Norman and hung over. 

We are hung over. It was our birthday last night everybody. 

And I drank.

Natalie does not drink often, so...

And I'm half naked right now.

No you're not. Well...

I'm still wearing the same outfit as last night. I still went home by myself but put on the exact same outfit.

That's hysterical.

I'm disgusting. 

Fun times. Well, we have an amazing guest here today.

Yes we do.

This guest is very special to us, also, because last weekend we did stand-up with her in the nude. 

Wait, first off, lets say a little about... Her name is Lianne Mauladin.

Lianne Mauladin.

She performed at the Hubcap festival this past, when was it?

February.

February. She was in Boston Woman in Comedy Festival 2014, 13. She runs Merry Jane's comedy, which is the longest all female stand-up comedy show.

In Toronto.

In Toronto. She was on The View, performing stand-up comedy.

With Whoopi Goldberg as a judge.

And the rest of The View cast.

And the rest of The View cast, but especially Whoopi.

What else? And she runs this amazing show that we got to do last weekend. 

Hi guys. 

Hi Lianne, welcome to the show. 

Thank you, I'm glad to finally be here.

Lets talk about this before we get into... well it kind of relates. We all performed naked last week. Lianne runs this amazing... Do you want to tell them what you do?

Okay sure. I run the show called Merry Jane's of Comedy at the Comedy Bar. It's just an all-female comedy show, and there's five girls on the show. But then I also have a summer show that I put together, and it's just four girls. But last summer we booked a show at Bare Oaks Family Naturist resort, and actually I thought it was clothing optional, and then it was not an option. When they have bands and stuff their bands are naked, but I guess you have to be, so I'm like oh okay well we'll see how everybody else thinks of that. And I had to put together a bit of a different group. So then this year they called me, and they're like can you come out again, and since last year, word got out. Natalie was bugging me for a whole year, she only wanted to do it. It was really easy to book this year. I could've book two or three shows, so next year it will be something to do every year. 

Everyone wants to do it that's why. 

Because it's an amazing... I personally felt it was very amazing, liberating experience. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of it. 

I mean I had a different experience. I still had a good experience, but I felt like I was definitely the most affected by it. Well we were all affected, but it was terrifying. 

How was it for you Lianne because it was your second year?

I just don't look down when I'm [inaudible 00:03:52] right. They're naked, I'm okay with that, that doesn't faze me at all and I don't even realize that I am kind of, I don't know. It's a little weird and the thing like Jess was saying, is it's a little weird because some of your jokes that you would tell at... you'd tell a clothed on it, it's funny, and then you're about to tell it and then you think it's not going to work and switch it up. But it's fun. I think it was really nice there though, they make you feel really comfortable and not creepy. 

I felt they were so supportive and welcoming. For me it's just A, I like being naked, I've been naked around my summer camp experience, I spent a lot of time naked, for no reason, it's not like anyone else was naked.

And you're generally just naked a lot. 

I love it, but I also felt like...

Her boobs are always almost out. 

Right now they're...

Right now they're almost out. 

I just felt like...

I'm looking at more than half of them, I'm looking at about 60%. 

There's a lot more of this boob. 

I know exactly how much is there. You don't even have to tell me. Spent all afternoon with them. 

I think for me, the only thing that I was really scared of was, I was worried my jokes wouldn't work, but also I had my period, and I wore a tampon. So that was a different experience, because I was like what do I do, when are they going to see the string, and then I was like, I don't spread my legs open, it's a tiny string, it's not like I'm spreading them open and being like here's my string, you know what I mean? I just felt we went swimming, the food was delicious.

It was the hardest for me because there were children in the audience, nudist children. Performing in front of kids is not... They're not my audience that's for sure, not with the material I have, so that was a bit worrisome I'd say. And then that one girl left during my set, she stormed out and...

Her mom probably told her to leave.

She was frowning the entire time.

I guess nudist parents are pretty open about things I guess, I don't know. 

And that's the thing, I felt like if you're a nudist, you're choosing a lifestyle. I don't think, for me, there's anything that's... I don't do anything too racy, so I wasn't worried about that because I don't think my material is not child friendly. Maybe I swear, but I'm sure they've heard the F-word enough that's not going to be a shock to them. 

Well, mine was shocking for that girl, that's for sure. 

You know what I thought was cool though, and again this is the clothed civilian mind-set compared to the naturist mind-set, but we were all talking before like oh what are you going to do with your tampon string and stuff like that, and then Stefan, the guy who runs the place was all like, well you can let it show, why, what, it's a secret? And then I'm like oh yeah, I guess naturists they're so comfortable with their body, they don't give a fuck. 

No they don't give a fuck. Remember we were talking about it earlier and you were saying, I think we were in the car on the way there, you were like, it's kind of nice because everybody has different bodies and they're not ashamed of their body. They're like, I got a weird mole here, I got a lot of cellulite or this and that, and nobody judges you for it. [crosstalk 00:07:35]

I was worried I might be turned on a little, but it's not that people don't have attractive bodies, it's that I find there's so much body. It's like a sea of body, I don't know what's going on, it all just starts blending in together. 

Well they just start looking normal, everyone's naked and that's normal right? You're not really turned on by it because it's just the norm. I just picture people walking to work like that, with a tie on and nothing else being like good morning Jim, with their brief case. I just, I don't know. It was a very memorable experience. 

So again, thank you. It was definitely a lifelong memory. 

It was awkward, in hindsight I probably shouldn't have ordered the sausage when we went for dinner. I didn't even think about it until I started eating it, and then the guitarist was right beside our table and his sausage was right there at eye level as well, and then I thought that was kind of creepy. 

I thought it was very phallic when it arrived at the table, the sausage, and his penis. 

Super phallic.

Super phallic, his penis was so phallic. It was an erect sausage, it was standing... you know what I mean. 

I know, it was very firm. 

It was very firm, firm sausage. I thought it was hysterical. 

You know you're right about Stefan with the periods. How did you feel? You felt completely comfortable?

I felt like I was in my element. I really felt...

Particularly on your period. 

Well because I was on my period, I did... and I think it was really relatable that I'm not a naturist, but I just accepted it. You can wear a pad, you can wear underwear but I was like fuck it, I'm here and I'm going to do it the way you guys do it, and I felt like that was me relating to them and I think that helped them like me because I talked about it in my stand-up. So I think it worked to my benefit. 

And same with Jess, I know she's saying she freaked out and everything, but it was just the pure honesty of your freaking out, that everybody just loved you. 

Oh that's nice. Well thanks Lianne. So let's talk about your period Lianne, that's what we're here for. Or just periods in general, that's what the podcast is about, menstruation. Are you on your period Lianne?

I am not, but probably when you're listening to this I will be. 

It will be arriving?

It's a day or so. I thought it was maybe today, but...

So it's soon.

So far no show. 

Is it regular? Do you... Can you tell?

It's quite regular, but it's just like, I just get a little feeling and I'm like...

Cramps.

Do get PMS?

It's going to happen. I do, and I never thought I did but...

What do you mean?

Sometimes I get fucken angry.

I can't imagine. 

I freak out sometimes. Usually there's a good reason why I have freaked out, but if it coincides with that time, then look out. 

Lianne's one of the nicest people I've ever met. So that fact that you're like, I freak out, and smiling, I can't believe that. 

And such a happy disposition. 

Talk to my boyfriend, talk to Fernando he knows. There is a few dents in our dry wall, that's from me whipping things across the room during PMS. But the other thing is big crier, which I in real life... in non-PMS times, I am not a crier. I'm pretty nuts. I bottle it up, I'm a bottler. And then PMS, it all comes out for the stupidest little reasons. 

Give us an example. 

Songs, oh my god. If I am PMSing and I hear White Snake Here I Go Again, I'm like crying here I go again on my own. Oh my god it's the best. Or Heart Alone, and I'm not alone, I don't know why these songs make me sad, but it's just something about them, they bring me to a time where I was sad or something, I don't know. I think I cried when I heard The Bangles, Walk Like an Egyptian because I thought about High School. It's not up the song, it's really up to the connection, the memory that goes with

That's so amazing. I was expecting you to say this really sobby romantic song about heartbreak, and then you're like Bangles, Walk Like an Egyptian. That's such an upbeat vibe song. 

Exactly. You can't tell what's going to set it off. But I don't think I used to be like that. I think that's something that is just, has started getting worse. But I am a little more aware of it now, I try to be aware of it. I just find I get irritable, I just lose patience for people. 

So this is a recent development though? You never used to be irritable?

I don't know. No, I wasn't. So, getting crabby in my old age. 

Why do you think that is?

I don't know. 

Just hormones change, so different things happen. 

I could be approaching, they call it perimenopausal. 

What is that?

I know, I never even heard of it. 

I've never heard of it either. 

It's for the period of time before menopause. So I don't know how long of a period of time...

Like right before menopause? [crosstalk 00:13:45]

It could be a 10 year span right?

I'm thinking maybe the span... My friend is like 45 and her doctor was like, oh you could be perimenopausal. So I'm just a little bit behind her, so I could be. Except I started really late, so I think I've got more eggs. 

That's right. We have to talk about this. 

We both just looked at each other like, I forgot. So when did you get your period? 

[crosstalk 00:14:08] like it's a story. Tell us. 

I got my first period when I was 17. I think it was the summer between grade 11 and grade 12. 

That's the oldest we've had

By far. 

That's the oldest I know too. I was skinny, I was really skinny, and I played a lot of sports, so that maybe helped, but I was just a late bloomer. When I started High School I was four foot eight. No shit, I know, that's little. [crosstalk 00:14:43] And then when I finished High School I was five nine. I grew a whole foot. But we had five years of High School, so there was an extra year in there, but still, that was a whole foot. So I was just a late bloomer, but you know what was funny, everybody has their little moment with their mom and everything, and I was like oh man this happened finally. 

At first, I didn't want it to happen because it was a drag, but then I admitted it. So I just went to the drug store, because I worked at the mall, so I just went to the drug store and I bought some stuff. I don't even think I told my mom. I probably told her the next time because I didn't want to pay for pads myself or something. I was like oh mom, by the way I got my period too.  

What did you think though when you were waiting for it to arrive? I'm sure your friends were getting it around you and you were like 16, 17 years old and you hadn't gotten it yet. What were you thinking?

I was thinking I was lucky, honestly. I wasn't worried about it, I didn't want to get...

So you didn't go see a doctor to see what was going on ever? 

Yes, and then he put me, oh my god... he said like well, maybe you're too skinny. So he put me on this diet of pasta, oh that's how you get your period, eat lots of pasta, and I'm sure my granny was on those same things. We'd get a case and split it, my fucken granny. 

That's those gross ones right?

They're just full of calories and vitamins or something, I don't know. They tasted chocolatyask, but that didn't last because I wasn't into that and my mom was like whatever. My mom got hers late, I think my mom was about 16 or 17, so she was okay with that. 

What about your sis? You have a sister right? 

My sister was 12, and I tell you, I remember her period way better, her first period, way better than mine as far as like... to the details. 

Is she older or younger? 

She's older. She's two years older than me. My dad was in sales, and he had won this weekend, we lived in Burlington, so it was just a weekend getaway to the Royal York. So the family came in and on our way home, we're leaving to get into the car, and then my sister and my mom were late coming into the car and I'm with my dad like what's going on, and he's like oh your sister and mom just needed to sort some stuff out. So my sister was 12 so I would've been like nine or 10 right? So she comes in, so I catch wind of what's going on and I'm just thinking how embarrassing, I'm just embarrassed for her. Then my dad... My sisters favorite food for her whole life was pizza, she just loves pizza, so then my dad's trying to lighten the mood and be funny, and then he's like oh well I guess you can't have any pizza anymore, and I was just like oh my god I can't believe he just said that, I am never telling my dad anything about my period.

But why wouldn't she be able to have pizza anymore?

It was just a joke, he was just joking around to try and pull their leg, but I was like oh my god my dad is joking about periods, he shouldn't even be in this conversation. I was nine, I was just so like oh my god he's not doing anything about it, and my sister did not even remember that. She does not remember that comment at all, and I'm like Sam, it damaged me. 

It damaged you, that's amazing. So your period you just got it and you were in the mall. You got it in the mall. 

Was it a heavy period? 

No it was... And I don't know if maybe this is a result, I don't know if this is what everybody is like or if this is a result of maybe being so much older, but it was very sparse and very black, just like spotting kind of a thing. For the first few, it took a while to actually be bleeding. 

I find that most people say that it's not regular and that it's not that deep of a red with their first few. I don't know what that is, maybe your body's getting used to it. So did it become regular very fast or...

Yeah, and then I was 17 guys, so I went on the pill pretty much right away. 

So you went on the pill right away. You went on the pill to regular your period partly, is that part of it or...

No, not really. I was eager to get started with some relationships.

Because a lot of people, a lot of young girls say they go on the pill because they have cramps or their periods are regular or whatever, so that wasn't the case with you. 

I switched up my brand of pill at one point for my skin, because they're saying that it works on pimples or whatever, different pills, but it's funny because I was not... I did not want my period like everyone else, but I wanted to have sex like everyone else. I did want to have a boyfriend and stuff like that.

So then, my question is, have you been on the pill ever since?

I quit the pill probably two years ago. 

So do you find your period after quitting, it was irregular or...

It was just pretty much right on target, and I was like is this just because I'd been on this pill for so long, my body's just going to keep doing... But it's very regular, very consistent. 

Do you get period cramps? 

I do.

Do you notice any difference from the pill and from off the pill? Are the cramps heavier?

More cramps for sure. I have bad cramps and I'll be super tired. I can just sleep like a teenager. 

Are you using contraception like an IUD instead, or are you just off the pill because you felt like it was the better thing for your body?

For a few things. My body's been on this for a long time, and that's probably dumb. 

So you'd been on it consistently, that's a long time, holy shit. 

So we're talking over 20 years. 

So the first pill you went on, it was a very different pill than the pills that exist now. 

It was called Triphasil, I remember. I don't know if they still make it, you can look that up in the archives. 

Well because the hormones were a lot stronger in the earlier days...

But then you switched. 

I switched to that Diane-35. 

Diane's intense too though. 

Do you notice anything, in relation to your period, when you switched from Triphasil to Diane?

Cramping I think. I think Diane... I think it was pretty harsh, but then it was okay. Just a little adjustment. 

So now you just, you use other methods. 

I would just rhythm it out, because everybody I know, my age, that's trying to have a baby, is trying to have a baby. They have to try. They're paying people, they're going for fertilization and stuff like that, and its just seems like probably not going to happen. Plus my boyfriend, his sperms probably really tired and confused and it's not going to get anywhere. 

They get lost. 

So we just use condoms at rhythm times. That seems to be working. 

So how do you find the... because you're the first person to tell us that they use a rhythm method. So do you find it's easy counting it?

Generally, I probably over compensate. So here's something fun, because a rhythm method, we use condoms which you guys, that's just a normal part of having sex, but I started having sex in the 80s and that was just when... People didn't wear condoms before just to prevent STD's, it was just a birth control, and then AID's happened and then condoms became like oh you wear them for STD's too. So me and my guy have been together for a long, long time, so we just never use them. Now it's like, this one has bumps, we get all the kooky ones and stuff. 

So it's been a learning experience on its own. 

It's been fun. 

Shit, I had a really good question I think. So when you started your period you wore pads?

Yes, at first. 

How long did you wait to... Do you use pads still, do you wear tampons?

No, I didn't wait long because I played sports, I always played sports and I always felt like people were going to see it. I think I just asked my sister for one or something like that. I don't really remember, I was grown up. [crosstalk 00:24:41] I had already learnt all about it in health class and biology, and I was...

And everyone you knew had their period. 

So have you ever used something like the Diva cup?

No, and I wouldn't. I don't know, I feel like I would... I don't know. 

For me, when I see you, you are someone... You've got this energy about you and...

It's a hippyish... in a great way. 

And I feel like you would be the one person to use a Diva cup. 

Me too. 

Well let me tell you, they used to sell reusable hemp cotton pads at some of the stores that I would go to, and that's where you draw the line. I don't want to touch it, I just want to pull a string and be done with it. 

And do you have a heavy period?

Not so much. Day two is probably the heaviest.

So Lianne, I don't know how to talk to you about it. You had a craze job, where did you work when you worked at, because we discussed this when we were talking about getting Lianne on as a guest, she was telling me you used to work, where did you work?

I used to work at a private school, a boarding school, I'll not mention their name, but they're in St Catherine's, there's only one boarding school in St Catherine's, whatever, piece it together, I was awesome at what I did there. And what I did there was... I ran the dorm for the girls who were boarding there that were between grades five and grade eight. So every year there was about 10 to 14 little girls that lived in this hallway off where my apartment was, it was like facts of life, so there was lots of first periods. I had a whole kit. A survival kit. 

What was in your kit?

You get treats right, because that was always my thing. I just felt like they're too young to be dealing with this, so I'd give them something like... there'd be some kind of stuffed toy of sort to put on your backpack. So to just be like... you don't have to be grown up. And then I would give them a package of pads and a package of panty liners, little variety, and then I would show them because some of them, their moms didn't expect them to get their periods yet so they hadn't even talked to them about it, so I'd bring out... because I don't wear very big underwear, I wear really skimpy underwear, so I bought this pair of underwear that was larger, so that was my demo underwear to show them how to put a pad on, on the underwear. 

You have sexy lingerie hey Lianne. 

I don't know, it's not sexy it's just not big. 

It's just the way you're comfortable right. So you had this pair and you'd demo it for them? 

I would show them and make sure that they're all good, got any questions. It's funny, well one time... it's funny because you can't really take anything for granted right? One little girl, she was so cute, she was only in grade five, so I took her out with me, we went to the store together. The times were different because you couldn't take a kid in your car now like you used to be able to, it was covered under some loco parentis thing, but now it's not even worth it. 

Anyway, I took her out and I think we went for ice cream too and came back. So I bought her a box of pads and then about three weeks later she came to me and she's like Miss Mauladin, could you get me more of those pads, and I'm thinking oh my god that was three weeks ago what's going on with this kid [inaudible 00:29:10] Oh yeah, are they all gone? She says yeah and I'm like well, are you still bleeding? And she's like no, she thought she was just going to have to wear a pad for the rest of her life. I didn't tell her it's just going to happen for a few days and then it'll be over for a month. I just took that for granted, that's so cute, imagine that's so horrifying.

That you would just bleed consistently. 

Thinking I'm just going to have to wear this uncomfortable thing in my crotch forever. 

Did you give any advice to them when they got their period? What was your go to words of wisdom?

I don't know. I just always wanted them to feel like they didn't have to be grown up because I felt like some of them were really young, and then some of them were like... felt like yay I'm grown up now, they liked that. So everybody was different, but still wear white, that's probably the best.

The first time it happened, I'm sure when you got the job they prepared you for that?

No.

So what happened the time? Do you remember when the first girl came up to you?

I had a first aid kit, and in the first aid kit were pads because I wasn't wearing pads, and I wouldn't give a kid a tampon right away, so I remember I was in a bit of a panic [inaudible 00:30:44] So I went to the first aid kit and I got it. Then I went out and then the next morning I gave her her love package, and then that's when I was like I need to get some of this shit to keep around. 

Did they learn about... Was there a health class? This is the boarding school, did you like...

They learned the Ontario curriculum, but I don't know if you learn that stuff until grade nine gym. 

We've talked about this before and I feel like it's very different to every school you go to, and I went to, I think a great public school, and we learnt about it from grades four until grade nine. So every year for at least a week, we were taught about your system and how it works, what's going to happen to you, but that might be different, specially maybe 10 years... well that was over, I was 10, so that's seven, 18 years ago, so maybe 30 years ago it was very different. Who knows what it really says in that curriculum because it's not like we're going to see it. 

I went to a Catholic High School, I've mentioned this in the past, we didn't really learn about anything. 

See I don't remember what I learnt at school because I remember at home, this is how we learnt at home, it was kind of sweet because my mom was not comfortable talking about sex or thing like that. And my dad wasn't comfortable talking to us about sex but he felt that somebody had to tell them something. So we got Doctor Talks to Five to Eight Year Olds, and that basically explained to you like...

What is that?

It's a book, it's called Doctor Talks to Five to Eight Year Olds and it's basically, it tells you where babies come from and that sort of thing. And then there was Doctor Talks to Eight to 12 Year Olds and that tells you about puberty and stuff. And then from there, that's all you needed to know really, to understand, and then we didn't have any discussions about birth control or anything like that. 

So wait, this is a question, how long did you do that dormitory job?

Six years.

Six years. So how many girls...

How many first periods?

The bulk part. 

Oh my god, it must be all of them, or most of them.

Well some of them maybe did in the summer, so I would say probably about nine. Which is really cute because they're going to remember me forever. 

Yes exactly. Do you think you'd keep in touch with any of them?

I keep in touch with just one of them actually, and we're pretty close. 

That's so nice. 

I would love to know what she has... the flip side of her being like, when I had my period I went to Lianne, and how was it for her because it sounds like a relatively positive experience because you're a very welcoming and warm person. For some people I think it's a terrifying situation and to have that would be an amazing experience. 

And I think because I was kind of terrified by it, not terrified like it would surprise me terrified, but just terrified by the whole fact that I was going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. And I knew then I didn't want to have kids, I was like this is a fucken waste of time, I hate this shit. 

At 17?

At 17, I never wanted kids. So sometimes I'm just like, this is stupid, there should be some operation you could have but any operation you can have takes your hormones away, so I didn't want to start growing a beard when I was 18. 

That's so interesting. 

Wow, so young to know that you didn't want... because I feel like eventually...

How many people tell you all the time you're going to regret it? Do people say that to you?

People used to always say to me, oh wait... same with people saying I was going to put on weight too, same thing, oh when you turn 30, oh when you turn 40 and I'm like no, fuck, I don't, I'm not going to put on weight, I have a high metabolism and I don't want a kid. Its not ever going to change. 

That's great. Well its funny because I feel like when you're young, when you're a teenager, you're taught... usually as a woman, you should have children, you should have a husband, you should have a family or whatever. And it's kind of this dream that you have, a lot of young girls have when they're young, when they're just kids. That's what I felt when I was a teenager, and then I hit my 20s and I was like, I don't fucken want any kids. And then people say it shifts again, they're like oh when you hit your 30s though [crosstalk 00:35:39] 

Your maternal clock goes off. Did you ever have that?

No my clock is broken. I don't have that, I don't know, I don't have that at all. 

Me neither. I mean I'm 28 now but still, I don't really...

They say it starts fading in like 27, 26, depends obviously on the...

I don't even know what it is, if it's a real thing? I guess your hormones go higher and you want to have sex more often, so maybe that's your body saying you want a baby. Did you find that's true?

Totally. In your late 30s, early 40s, way hornier than...

Do you find you're hornier on your period as well, or around there?

I would say maybe, a little bit. 

And when you're ovulating? 

I don't know, just in the afternoon really. 

Every day in the afternoon. 

Usually between [crosstalk 00:36:31] around 2h00 lookout. 

Saturday afternoon. 

Trolling [inaudible 00:36:41] construction sites.

Oh my god trolling, that's hilarious. Do you have sex on your period. 

If you're okay with us asking. 

I don't. Occasionally in the shower, but that gets dangerous sometimes.

So I had... Should I talk about this, can I talk about my intercourse last night? So I had intercourse last night...

Last night, this is a fresh story. 

Fresh, I don't know why I'm getting Natalie's approval.

It's your body. 

It's my body, it's my story. So the gentlemen that I did it with started going downtown, and this was at the end, so I'm at the end of my period, and I was like hey papal...

Did you say papal?

Yeah I said papal, I got my period, I'm at the end still, and he was like, I don't care, and continued going at it. And he actually said to me at one point, it's your birthday, you deserve it. 

No-one said that to me. 

He's like it's your birthday, you deserve it, and continued and then when it was done I was like, ah man because that's the first time a guy has ever gone down on me on my period. But then I wasn't actually really bleeding at all basically. It was really light, and then in the end he finished, he was like I don't have any blood in my mouth even, this is great. And I was like it's really great, it was pretty attractive though because when you say to a man, I literally had a one night stand...

That's like a whole thing, get your red wings. 

Get your red wings? What do you mean?

Bikers say it, if you go down on a girl when she's bleeding, when she's on her period, it's called getting your red wings. 

Holy shit, I've never heard that term. That is amazing. 

Is it something that they aspire to have? Bikers.

I think so. I've helped somebody get their red wings before and I thought he seemed like he was pretty proud. 

Did it feel good for you? Or did it not feel good. 

It felt the same sexually, it was just messy. 

It felt the same. The thing is, I was concerned because you get taken out of it because you're like is this an inconvenience for this guy, but the guy, particularly last night, was just so ready and willing to do it without... He was more insistent that he do it than I was that he do it, and I love me some oral sex, so this is like... 

That's Jess's criteria. We always say, we're like, he like to go down on woman, that's for Jess. Not that the rest of us don't like it, but Jess especially loves it. 

I love it so much, I hate men who don't like doing it. 

I'm just going to say this, I think we have to end soon, but it's my birthday on Tuesday, when this pod gets released it's going to be my birthday, and no-one, and last night we went out for my birthday, no one hit on me first of all, and no one said it's your birthday so let me go down on you. Fuck off, come on. 

This is Natalie's endless, like just...

It's my birthday to people. And I don't have my periods.

Immediately jealous, immediately upset. 

Isn't it everyone's dream to have birthday sex? There's a song about it. Birthday sex, look we all want it and I got nothing. I looked so hot last night, I was wearing this outfit. 

I invited you into my bed and you left, you didn't want to stay. 

I think this fella sounds like a keeper Jess. I like him, keep him around for a while. 

We'll see what happens. 

He'll have big expectations on his birthday, so maybe you don't want to be with him on his birthday, make yourself distant for that month and then get back.

I will go down on him if his dick is bleeding. I will still do it. 

If he cuts his wiener...

If his dick is bleeding, like just a river, I'll still do it. 

So the moral of the story, is Lianne got her period later, at 17. Jess had gotten you know, when she was bleeding, and Natalie has not had sex on her birthday ever. Well that's great, Lianne, if people want to find more about you where can they go? What's your Twitter handle?

My Twitter handle is just my name, it's @Liannemauladin, so it's... well you'll spell it on the title of the podcast right? Because it's a little hard to spell. I got a website too, Liannemauladin.com, also merryjanesofcomedy.com.

Is it the same Friday of the month?

It is usually the third Friday of the month at the Comedy Bar. 

In Toronto.

It's awesome. 

In Toronto, Ontario, 946 Bloor Street West, I think that's the address?

Good for you.

I know, shout outs to the Comedy Bar. Thank you for being our guest. 

Thank you for being our guest Lianne, it was such a fun time. 

Thank you for having me. 

I've been Natalie Norman. 

I've been Jess Beaulieu. 

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Show Notes:

On this week's episode of The Crimson Wave your hosts Jess Beaulieu and Natalie Norman welcome incredible comedian Lianne Mauladin! They discuss #pads #redwings #periodsex #menstruation #divacups #cramps

To find out more about Lianne follow her on twitter @LianneMauladin and go to her website liannemauladin.com and check out her show Mary Janes of Comedy maryjanesofcomedy.com

To find out more about The Crimson Wave follow us on twitter @TheCrimsonWave

Also follow Jess @msjessbeaulieu and Natalie @stalkingnatalie