The Podcast Diaries: The Crimson Wave E28

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The Transcript: 

Welcome to the Crimson Wave.

Oh my God. That was quite the crack in your voice there.

I am going through puberty. 

That was-

It appears that way. 

At 28. 

Did you just get your period, Natalie? 

For the first time ever. I've been lying this whole time.

Holy shit.

Oh my God.

Wow. Natalie is super high energy, and I am super low energy. This is going to be quite the episode. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Crimson Wave, the best podcast on iTunes, as said by everyone. 

Did you forget your name? 

Yeah. My name is Jess Beaulieu.

I'm Natalie Norman and our guest today ...

Yes.

... is a delight, mainly because, well, she is super talented, but also she lets me act super crazy around her all the fucking time. 

Do you remember when you first met my boyfriend? Because you literally were like, "I just had sex on my period!" That was how he met you. He was like, "Did that just happen? Did I just hear an entire story?"

Oh my God. 

"Is this how I just met this person?" And I was like, "Yeah, you'll get used to it. It's fine."

So, our guest is Mikaela Dyke. We haven't even said your name.

Yeah. 

Mikaela Dyke. Everyone welcome Mikaela Dyke. Yay.

Mikaela Dyke is a very talented comedian ...

Yeah.

... theater performer ...

That's a thing I do.

... fringe tourer.

You've got it.

Fringe tourer. She's a fringe tourer. She is [crosstalk 00:01:43].

Well, she's the toured the fringes across the Americas.

Yeah. Yep.

Across the Americas. Yeah.

No, I've been two places in the United States of America.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Latin America. No?

Otherwise, it's mostly Canada.

We should go to South America.

Yeah. I'm down. I have friends in Cape Town. Let's go.

Cape Town where? That's South Africa.

Oh, I was thinking of South Africa. I'm so sorry. It's because we were talking about South Africa earlier.

I feel you. I feel you.

It's a hot day in Toronto.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm so sweaty.

We're all very sweaty. Mikaela also will be writing for a show [crosstalk 00:02:22].

Yeah, I'm currently. I'm currently writing for a show.

Currently writing for a show this fall.

Yeah. I'm writing for a web series on the second season of a Canadian web series called Just Passing Through.

Very Canadian.

Very, very east coast Canadian.

Yes.

There's a lot of swearing, which is not very Canadian, which is what I like about it. And I'm going to be in it, probably.

She'll be performing in it, so you got to check it out. It already has great views.

Yeah.

I've seen some of the episodes from the first season, so-

Yeah. Yeah. There's one great one about sharing vibrators and whether you should do it.

Wow. Well, shall we start there? 

We just looked at each other like ...

Well, I was considering giving Natalie mine to use for a bit, to borrow, because Natalie doesn't have one, I found out the other day.

I used to have the Silver Bullet.

Which is crazy to me.

Wait. So you used to have one. And instead of going out and buying one, you're just going to borrow your friend's [crosstalk 00:03:14]?

Well, no. I hadn't offered yet.

She thought about it in her head.

But I had thought about it in my head, well, because she was laying in my bed and talking about it.

With my breasts out.

Yeah, completely naked, as she does.

Yes, free breasts. That's how it was when I walked in.

And she was masturbating. And I was like, "Do you want some help?"

It's a real awkward day for me.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was a podcast. Turns out, I'm here for what?

You're here for what? Yeah.

Is this an audio recording?

Yeah.

We're an episode of Masters of the Sex.

Masters of Sex. 

I got to ask [crosstalk 00:03:45].

The sex?

I got almost cast in soft core porn once. I got cast in it.

What?

And then-

In soft core? Wow.

Yeah. You know the guy who did Red Shoe Diaries?

Yes.

Yeah.

He did another show. He's dead now.

Oh okay.

He is. He died.

Oh my God. Well, all right.

Yeah. I got cast as an episode lead in his new show, and then got the script and was just like, "Oh no. Oh no." But I called everyone I knew to see if I should do it because I was really poor at the time and it was pretty good money, and then had to turn it down. And then he called me to try and convince me to do it, and I had to be like [crosstalk 00:04:14].

Well, that's nice.

Yeah.

That's a nice feeling.

It was-

It's nice that he wanted you in his soft core porn.

It was a really nice feeling. The PA ran down the street to try to catch me after the audition. It was like, "I just nailed that audition." And then I got that script and I was like, "Oh no. No."

Oh my God.

It was a really good and a really terrible feeling.

Jesus.

But at the same time, that's how Mikaela is.

Yeah. I [crosstalk 00:04:38].

People run down [crosstalk 00:04:39].

I'm nailing soft core porn auditions. I really just knocked it out of the park. You won't have any better actor audition for your soft core porn.

Wow.

Anyways, let's talk about menstruation.

Yeah.

Is that what this podcast is about?

That's what it's about.

Shocking.

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh.

When did you get your flow, your crimson wave?

I don't actually know what age I was. I was a late bloomer for sure, but I was also really young. So I'm born in December.

Right.

So I was younger than a lot of the people in the same grade as me. But I don't know. It was probably around when I was 16.

What?

Yeah, 15 or 16. I was a late [crosstalk 00:05:19].

That was older. Yeah, that was late.

Oh, no. It would have been earlier than that, maybe like ... I have to do the time. Guys, I'm bad at math. I have to do [crosstalk 00:05:25] the timeline in my brain. Like 13 or 14 maybe then.

Oh okay. Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do you [crosstalk 00:05:31]?

But it was pretty late. I remember I was getting it after pretty much everyone else had it.

How did you feel about that?

Okay. So I'm a very private person just generally in life.

Oh my God. Well, thank you for doing this.

Yeah. Because [crosstalk 00:05:46].

Nobody tell Mikaela's secrets.

Yes. Everyone, don't talk about [crosstalk 00:05:51].

That is so funny that you're like [crosstalk 00:05:53], "I'm a super private person," and you come onto this podcast, the least private space, I'm going to say, in the world.

Yeah. I talk about poop and farts all the time and I talk about when I'm sick. I don't think that I'm private about my body, but I'm private about what is happening in my life currently-

Okay. 

... at the time.

Okay. Okay.

So I don't mind talking about stuff in the past.

Right.

But I remember being very like, "Oh, well, I know everything about my period at this point," because I was, again, older than everyone else.

Yeah.

And I guess I'll just deal with it.

Right.

And the day after I first got it, I was going kayaking, which is for me, I was [crosstalk 00:06:33]. I was like, "I have to wear a tampon, because you can't wear a pad. I know that, because it won't work." And my mom only had OB tampons.

Oh.

Right.

So I was just like, "Okay. I just got to figure this out." And I did.

Yay.

But I didn't tell anyone I had it and I realized I might have been really ... I feel like I broke my mom's heart a little bit, because the next time I got it, I was just like, "I have to ask her for pads," and I was super embarrassed to do it. And she was so excited, and then I was like, "Yeah. No. I've had it already for like a month." I'm a grumpy teen.

Oh my God.

And so, yeah, for me, it was just a private thing that happened.

Well, because you're the only girl, too, right?

Yeah. I'm the only girl in my house. And my mom, she's a very independent woman who's like, "I'm going to deal with my own shit."

Right, right.

So it's weird to talk to someone about that with someone like that, I guess, about things that you're like, "Ah, this is, I guess, a thing that's happening with my body that I don't want to bother you about."

Really?

So, wait. She was so happy?

She was a little bit like, "Oh." And then she was like, "Okay. I'm just going to deal with that." And then we both did the like, "All right."

Silent head nod.

"Cool." Yeah. Yeah. My mom is very cool about stuff like that. When I got to be around the age when I would have sex, she literally sat me down and the conversation we had was, "When you start having sex, I want you to go to the doctor and talk to her about birth control." And it's just like, "Okay." She was just like [crosstalk 00:07:59].

That's pretty awesome, though.

We shook hands and [crosstalk 00:08:01].

You didn't actually shake hands.

No, we didn't. We hugged like mom and daughter. But it's one of those things where she's very direct and very [crosstalk 00:08:11].

That's awesome.

Yeah. Yeah.

When my mom found out I was on birth control, she sobbed hysterically.

Oh, really?

For hours. Yeah.

Yeah. Really?

What a different experience.

That is a different experience.

Definitely. Oh, she was not okay with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My mom is just matter-of-fact, I think, about stuff like that.

Well, that's great.

It is great.

Well, your children are going to start having sex. I was also 21.

Yeah.

I was like, "What? You're crying now? I'm 21 years old."

Oh God. Oh.

I lost my virginity at 21, but I was like, "This is very old. I have a full-time job. There's no [crosstalk 00:08:43]."

I have a full-time job.

"There's no worry here. What are you talking about? If I was like 14, maybe."

Not only that, it's just like, "Mom, I'm being very responsible."

Yeah. I'm super responsible. And she was like, "But you are so young." And I was like, "Oh my God. That's not true at all."

So did you start wearing tampons often, or was it the pad?

Pretty much from go. I would wear a pad when I was sleeping.

Okay.

But largely, just tampons, because once you start using them, you're like, "Great."

Yeah. For me, there was no turning back.

Tampons?

Yeah.

I experimented a little. I was talking about your podcast yesterday with a friend of mine who was a dude and we were-

Stop it.

He was telling me about a story that somebody else had on this about putting a tampon in right because sometimes you don't know. I once did that.

Which way did you do it?

I didn't put it [crosstalk 00:09:38].

In the butt?

No. I didn't [crosstalk 00:09:40]. I had been using tampons for a while, but I didn't put it in far enough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I rushed the job.

Yeah. 

And was just like, "That's fine." And then I was in Ireland with my family and we were going horseback riding, and it was the most painful experience I think I've ever had. I was just like, "All I want to do is just [crosstalk 00:09:56]."

Jesus Christ.

"... shove ice cubes up there."

Yeah. Because when it's not in properly, it's terrible.

Yeah, you can feel it.

Oh yeah.

You can feel it everywhere.

Yeah.

Your whole body radiates for some reason.

It's just like, "Ugh."

I think he was telling the story about how I put it in incorrectly.

Oh, was it? Oh.

Well, we've had a lot of stories around that.

Yeah.

Come on. Let's ...

I think every lady does it once or twice.

Oh yeah. I'm doing it right now, so-

Are you? Yeah. Are you [crosstalk 00:10:19]?

Well, I'm wearing the ... Well, yeah, because [crosstalk 00:10:22].

So I haven't caught up to the most recent podcast. 

Ah, Mikaela's a listener.

Yeah.

Which is nice. So she [crosstalk 00:10:26].

You should all be. Wait. You are all.

Yeah. If they're listening right now, they're a listener.

You're really preaching to the choir now. Yeah.

Honestly.

Yeah. I'm using them. My last period, I switched it up between a tampon and a pad. But actually, when I went to the cottage on the weekend, I wanted to go swimming. And I was like, "Oh, here we go again" and took one in, and it just slipped right in. And I was like, "I guess I'm getting better at this."

Yeah. Yeah, it takes [crosstalk 00:10:52].

At 28 years old, I'm really learning how to put in a tampon.

It does take a lot of [crosstalk 00:10:58].

I'm finally doing it.

It takes practice.

It takes practice, right?

After the first couple of cycles, you get used to it.

I also got some good ... It was a nice plastic applicator [crosstalk 00:11:09].

That's the key, for me at least.

Yeah, that is the key.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, trying to do that OB that first time, I was like [crosstalk 00:11:13].

That's horrific. 

I was [crosstalk 00:11:15].

Yeah.

You're so young, too, when you first have to figure it out and your body's awkward. You think it's hard just having long arms and long legs. You'd be like, "Oh, I'm gangly."

Yeah. 

And like, "Oh, I'm greasy all the time and I don't know why." And then you're like, "Also, I have to figure out this part of my body that there is nothing written about that [crosstalk 00:11:34]."

No, and you can't see.

That's so true.

You can't see.

You can't see.

Nothing's written about it. We didn't have the internet.

Yeah.

Studying that [crosstalk 00:11:40].

Yeah. We didn't.

Studying that tampon pamphlet that comes in the box.

Oh my God.

And you're just looking at it, and you're like, "That's what uteruses are like?"

The naked woman, the fully naked woman who's always in the background.

I just thought it was a small drawing.

Yeah. It's like a little drawing of a butt. 

Is it? 

Yeah.

Who was I looking at? What pamphlet was I looking at?

Oh, you're thinking of [crosstalk 00:11:56].

Sorry. That was my dad's porn. I was looking at it.

You're thinking of the textbook where it's the fully naked woman.

Maybe. No, I'm thinking of a pamphlet. I remember looking at a pamphlet and she was fully naked.

Right. I mean [crosstalk 00:12:04].

I don't know if her breasts were drawn in detail, but-

I mean the one that comes in the box.

Yeah, maybe.

When you're first starting to put in tampons. And you're looking at it and you're like, "Where do I ... How does this ..."

It makes no sense.

Yeah.

There's no sense to it.

It's like two Cs. It's like two parentheses, and that's your butt. And it's from the side, and then it's just like a canal on the inside with a little white thing.

It's like, "Why are we so scared to show a fucking picture of a vagina when this a product for your vagina?"

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

They don't want to scare anyone away.

That's why people are like, "Oh, wasn't it easy?" I was like, "No, the instructions make no sense [crosstalk 00:12:39] to me."

Is it this way? Where the hell am I looking at this?

It's so hard, yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Up and over, right? That's [crosstalk 00:12:47].

Up and over? Up and just down.

Up and back.

Up and back. Whatever. You know what I mean [crosstalk 00:12:52]. Just not straight up.

Yeah.

Again, see, we can't agree on this. Right now, it's difficult to describe.

Well, because when you first start, you're like, "Here we go. Up, just straight up." And then you're like, "No, that's not going anywhere. It's got to go at an angle."

Yeah, it's got to on an angle.

An angle. We can all agree it's an angle of some sort.

It's some kind of angle.

It is an angle. And not only that, everyone's uterus is on a slightly different angle.

There we go.

Exactly.

Everyone's made differently.

Yeah.

I guess we got to create a petition to make more vivid pictures in the tampons.

Yeah, that would be great.

What are you trying to say right now?

She saw what I was trying to say.

You have to get a more detailed tampon photo.

Yes. Yes.

Picture.

More graphic.

Design?

As graphic as possible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It really should have a breakdown of the vagina anatomy as well. That would be helpful.

Did you guys hear about that cool iPhone app that got thrown out of the store?

No.

It was a little cutesy pie cartoon vagina that's like, "Tickle me and I'll ..."

Oh my God.

It was about learning about vaginas.

Oh my God.

That's amazing.

It's a super cool app. I cannot remember the name of it for the life of me, but it got banned from the app store, even though it's a cartoon picture.

Banned by who? iTunes?

By iTunes, because Apple was like, "Too graphic." And it's like, "You literally have pornography things with tits and vaginas, actual photos."

That's shameful.

Yeah.

It's so embarrassing. What is that? Oh, we're going to learn how to turn on women and learn their anatomy? God forbid. 

Yeah.

Ugh.

Yeah. I was thinking about tampon commercials the other day, and I was even thinking about how most of them that they're advertising is that they're really small and you're able to hide them. That's continually [crosstalk 00:14:27].

That is the thing.

That's so common. The woman has a little clutch purse and she's like, "No one will know that my body's doing what everyone knows it does."

I love when you see those commercials where they're slipping it into the coin pocket or their jeans [crosstalk 00:14:37].

Yeah, into the coin pocket.

... because I'm like, "That is never fucking happening."

Yeah.

Also, I don't use tampons so much anymore. I use a DivaCup.

You use a DivaCup.

Yeah, which I love when I first found it, especially because I tour all the time, that it's [crosstalk 00:14:50].

You tour?

Yeah, like-

Fringe.

When I'm on the road.

Oh, tour. I thought you said tore, like tore, like you tore [crosstalk 00:14:57].

Oh, like I'm ripping things.

Like something was torn, like your vagina tore.

No, no.

From tampons.

No.

And I was like, "Holy fuck."

Jess was like, "I have to rethink this entire idea."

My God. Tour.

I mean when I'm on tour.

Thank God. Oh, God.

So it's like 12 hours of driving sometimes, and I don't want to have to-

Absolutely.

... worry about TSS or anything else. So the DivaCup was a great revelation where I just like, "This is amazing."

Oh, nice.

It took a couple months to figure it out.

Right.

But then once I did, I was just like, "Oh, why do we use anything else?"

So when did you start using the DivaCup?

Probably four or five years, maybe even longer, but like five years ago.

Okay.

Yeah.

And say you're in a public place and you need to wash it out.

I don't really. I just dump it and stick it back. Well, because it's like ... Guys, that was super gross. I'm so sorry. I'm like, "Yeah." You need to wash it every day.

Right.

But if you're out somewhere, it's just the fluid that is in your vagina otherwise. So I don't go to the public washroom and I'm like, "Hey, ladies." [rinsing sound effect 00:16:01]. "Watch me wash this out. This isn't going to be awkward for anyone." Yeah. No. I will normally be home at least once within 24 hours. 

Right. Okay.

And you just wash it out then.

So you recommend the DivaCup for all of us ladies.

I super do. And I had an IUD until very recently.

Right.

Like a couple of days.

Let's talk about this.

Tell us the story.

Yeah. Okay. But just to sidebar, you can use one with an IUD, too, because I used it for a year and a half and it was fine.

Really? 

Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. You just have to be careful in the same way that you have to be careful with a tampon if you have an IUD.

Really?

Yeah. 

That makes [crosstalk 00:16:42].

I thought certain IUDs, you don't get your period as often.

Yeah.

Okay.

So there are two types of IUDs. They are the hormonal one, and then there's a copper one.

Yeah.

So the way the hormonal works is like birth control where it's just a plastic thing that's got hormones in it. It delivers it straight into your ovaries and says, "Fuck you. Don't get pregnant."

Right.

And then the copper one works in a way that's magic and no one really understands. But for some reason, copper as a metal prevents you from getting pregnant when you put it in your uterus. Fun fact, originally used by people in camels, people who had camel trains to carry bags and stuff.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's a really old technology, and they figured it out by planting it in ... I don't know how they figured it out or [crosstalk 00:17:33].

So their camels wouldn't get pregnant?

So their camels wouldn't get pregnant.

Wow.

So, wow.

That's where that technology comes from.

Why wouldn't they want their camels to get pregnant? I guess because then they wouldn't be able to [crosstalk 00:17:43].

Carry shit across the desert, I guess. Yeah.

Right, because they'd be pregnant. Crazy.

That's really interesting.

Isn't that crazy?

That is interesting.

That's what I heard. I didn't fact check that before I came here, but I feel like that's something that's weird enough that it's probably not made up.

Well, hey. Yeah [crosstalk 00:17:57].

Yeah. Well, it makes sense to me. You don't want your animals to get pregnant.

Yeah. So-

Because it's just extra work for you.

Exactly. So they started putting the little copper scarecrows into camels and no one's really-

Holy shit.

No one's really figured out why exactly.

Really? Yeah. Why? Why?

I don't know. It's only copper too.

Is it still the same shape?

What does it do?

It's like a T.

What does the copper do to your body, though? Did they know?

No. That's what I mean, is they don't know [crosstalk 00:18:23].

They have no idea? It doesn't affect your eggs or your ...

It's something to do with the way that copper irritates or fires up your uterus in a specific way. It just makes it so that the eggs don't latch on to your-

To the lining?

To the lining.

Interesting.

So I don't know why.

So the eggs can't latch on to the lining. That's what's happening?

I am not a doctor.

Sorry. I don't mean to be quizzing you like this.

Yeah. I don't know. From what I can tell-

I'm going to look it up.

... largely, it's a mystery. It's something, but they don't know the exact reason why.

All right.

But it is something to do with [crosstalk 00:19:00].

I'm curious.

... copper specifically that either irritates or makes it an uninhabitable environment for ...

The eggs?

For babies. 

Right, right. For the babies.

So you were on the copper IUD.

Yeah. I was until like four or five days ago actually, because why not? I literally was like, "I hate taking birth control pills because they make me panic crazy."

Yeah.

I'm not good on them. I love watching horror movies, and I discovered that ... That's what happened. That was how I knew. I was watching horror movies going, "I'm so fucking terrified. Why?" 

Oh my God.

And then realized, I was like, "I need to take a break from birth control for other reasons," and was just like, "Oh, I'm no longer terrified." And I was like, "I don't want to go back on that. That's terrible." So I looked up other options because I'm a responsible adult.

Yes, which is very important.

Yep.

Yeah. And my boyfriend moved in with me, so it was like, "Okay. Well, this is safe. I don't really need to use condoms as much because ..."

You're monogamous.

Yeah. I'm monogamous, right? So-

Absolutely.

And we've both been tested and stuff, so that's fine. So I got one put in and there were problems right from the go.

Yeah. I remember this. I remember when you first got it in.

Yeah. And I was just like [crosstalk 00:20:17].

So what were the problems? 

So this was the first time you had ever used the IUD.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And was there a reason you chose the copper over the hormonal?

Yeah, because I had problems with birth control.

Right. Okay.

Right. Yeah, yeah.

The doctors I saw did say, "If you're someone who's interested, it can actually be easier because the hormones don't go through your entire system." It's not like you take them and they travel through your bloodstream. It's direct to your uterus.

Right.

But I'm-

Interesting.

Yeah.

Huh.

I'm still nervous.

Huh.

And I kind of like-

Direct to your uterus.

Yeah.

I wonder if I could have an IUD.

You might. You might enjoy it.

Because I can't have one right now because a risk of stroke, because I get migraines.

Oh.

Listeners, once again, here we go again with my migraines with aura.

Yeah.

That's interesting.

Well, you could definitely get a copper one.

I could get a copper one, yeah.

So there are disadvantages and advantages to both of them.

Right.

Part of the reason why I opted for a copper one too is that I actually like getting my period. It's a friendly, "Hello. You're not pregnant" thing.

Right.

Right.

Right?

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. And it also helps me keep track of what day it is.

So is that because your period is very regular?

It's pretty regular.

Okay.

Yeah. I've been really fortunate. I'm not somebody who ever had cramps. I am somebody who, growing up, my period was once a month, three, four days, super light.

Jesus Christ.

That's amazing.

Yep.

Well, lucky you, Mikaela. 

Okay.

Coming on to fucking brag. I'm kidding.

After this story [crosstalk 00:21:44].

Yeah, I won the period lottery.

Yeah, you really did. That's amazing.

Except for-

Oh, except for?

Except for now.

Except for now.

It's really coming around and biting me in the ass.

Oh, no. I didn't mean to make it seem like it's karma or something. This is weird.

Well, so the thing about the copper IUD is that it can be more painful. 

Oh, really?

You get cramps and you often get longer, heavier periods on it.

More than you would have regularly?

Yeah, more than you would regularly.

So your cramps increased?

Oh yeah. For sure.

Oh.

Okay. So-

Oh God.

I'm going to tell you guys this story. This is really funny because I am kind of a private person and small talk is my savior in terms of one-on-one interactions.

Oh, wow. I'm the complete opposite.

Oh, really?

Yes.

I-

I hate small talk and I'm not private at all.

Well, so [crosstalk 00:22:30].

That's exactly the problem.

That's amazing. I wish I was more like that. I'm so shy as a human being.

Really?

Yeah.

And I've gotten [crosstalk 00:22:45].

I didn't know that.

I've gotten better in the last three years. So probably since I met you guys has been me getting better as a ...

Crazy.

I enjoy performing because it's like I get to have a human connection, but I can't see anyone.

Right. Interesting.

It's like, "Oh yeah. No, we're all sharing a moment, but my eyes, I can't see you and I don't have to ..." I love listening to people, but I hate talking generally.

Right.

So-

Wow.

I got over that touring the fringe, because you have to talk to people and you have to get to know people and you have to literally be like, "Come see my show. It's a thing that I'm doing." And people are so friendly and nice that it helped me get over it. But small talk is ... I hate small talk, too, but it's like my savior because, in a social situation now, I know what to say, like, "How about the weather?"

Yeah. 

I can-

Oh, shoot me in the face. Yeah.

Oh, right? But so when I was getting my IUD put in, I was just like ... I'd small talk in the most awkward situations, like having some people just staring down my vagina, just being like, "So it's been really hot out, right?"

After putting in the IUD? Oh my God. That's so funny.

That's exactly what it's like.

Oh God. That's hilarious. So what happened? So you got it in, and then what happened, if you don't mind sharing?

Oh yeah. Well, so when I went to go get it in, a really lovely doctor who was a man was there and he asked me, he was like, "Do you mind that I'm a man?" And I was like, "I don't care, as long as it's not your first time." And he smiled and then he was like, "Okay. I'll be right back" and didn't answer.

And then when he came back, he came back with an older lady doctor who was just like, "I'm just going to be here to supervise because it's his first time putting in this kind of IUD."

Oh my God. That's hilarious.

Oh my God.

And I'm like, "I'm a trooper. Whatever. That's fine. Everybody's got to learn sometime."

Oh no.

And so it was fine. She was wearing a nice vest that I was just like ...

You liked her vest?

It was a nice vest. I was just like, "I need to talk about something other than the fact that there are [crosstalk 00:24:51] a bunch of people practice inserting an IUD on my uterus right now."

So you talked to her about the vest.

Yeah. Yeah. It was real awkward.

You were like, "I love your vest. Where'd you get it?"

And she was like, "What?" Just making small talk.

Oh God.

It's super painful getting it inserted.

Really?

Because what they do is they have to dilate your cervix with a pole essentially, a tiny pole, but ...

The same thing they use when they open you for your pap?

Yeah. No, no, no. It's like a speculum.

Okay.

But then they take a thing and they measure your uterus. So your vagina's like a tube.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then at the top of it is a super tiny [crosstalk 00:25:35].

Is the cervix, yeah.

... super tight muscle thing. So what they do is they actually insert something into that and it cramps really hard, and it's supposed to be like labor pains. And I was never scared of giving birth until I did this, and I was like, "That thing was so small and it hurt so much."

Oh my God.

So they sound your uterus. They discover how deep your uterus is, and then they insert the IUD. So it takes a very short amount of time, but again, it's a muscle group that is not used to opening.

Right.

So it cramps like a motherfucker.

Shit.

It's so painful for the first day, especially for me because I was underestimating how bad it would be. And I was like, "I can tough this out," which is what I do all the time.

Yeah.

And so later that day, my roommate came home and I was just sitting on the floor going, "I'm fine."

Sitting on the floor? Yeah.

Yeah, with heat packs on me. I had to pop an Advil like it was going out of style.

Holy shit.

But it was fine after that. Maybe two weeks after that, I was still having super cramps and it really hurt.

Continuously?

Yeah, continuously, which is-

Oh God.

It was like you'd be walking down the street and then get struck down by crazy cramps, which I was also not used to.

Right.

Right.

Because I'd never had them before. So there was that. And I went back in and they were like, "Yeah, your uterus is a little inflamed, so you might have some PID." It often happens because of STIs, but not always.

Okay.

And I had been tested for everything. So they were like, "You're probably fine. It'll be okay. Oh, and also, your IUD is slightly tilted."

Oh no.

"So just give it ..." I was going to New York to do some shows, and they were like, "Yeah. Wait until you come back. And if it still hurts after that, come back in and we'll see what's up." So then I went to New York. It was painful.

Fuck.

But I was like, "This is still probably fine. I can stick this out." And again, this is not everyone's experiences.

No, no, no. Yeah.

Largely, it's painful for the first months and then it goes away. Three months, you might have super bad cramps. I was talking to a friend in New York who was like, "Yeah, I never had ... I don't even feel it. It's no different. I get a little extra cramps around that time of the month, but otherwise it's fine." 

But so I went back in, they gave me antibiotics, and then I went to Newfoundland and came back and it was like a month later. I was just like, "Everything's probably fine." But I've had it in for a year and a half, and over the past that amount of time, it has slowly gotten worse.

Oh no. Like the cramping?

Not the cramping.

Oh.

It is that literally my uterus feels tender.

Oh.

Which is a weird experience.

That is weird, yeah.

Because to feel everything ...

Yeah.

... is crazy.

It's like what you were saying about when you have a tampon in wrong and you're just like, "It hurts," or you just feel it in your entire body.

Yeah, and you just know.

Yeah.

So this is ... I don't know how familiar you guys are with your vaginas, but you know how [crosstalk 00:28:41]?

Pretty familiar.

Pretty familiar.

Right. Amazing. In unison. 

Yeah.

Your cervix, that's the part of it that was sore the most.

Okay.

And the also when I got cramps, it was sore across the front of my tummy.

Okay.

So I just had my period, guys, and now everyone knows the schedule I'm on. So right now, currently, because I got it pulled the other day, it is still tender right across the front between my hips. So-

Right.

I'm on two weeks of antibiotics, and then I have to spend three months without an IUD, big frowny face.

Because you love it.

Because I love it. It is amazing aside from the complications that I've been having.

Right, right.

Well, even though you've had complications, you still love it, which says something amazing about it.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too. And I think it's important to note that every body is literally different, so I know a lot of people who have had it in and not had any complications.

Right.

How long's it last? Three or five years?

So the hormonal one is like three to five years. The copper one is actually five to 10.

Wow.

Wow.

So you can just set it and forget it.

And then what happens? You put in another one?

Yeah. You just get it ripped out and throw in another one.

Jesus.

So this [crosstalk 00:30:04].

It's super not painful getting it taken out actually. I was really scared.

Oh.

I went in the other day expecting just to be like, "Yeah, we'll make an appoint a week from now where you'll have it taken out because it'll be a big deal." And the doctor lady who was super nice and very much like, "I am the last person to recommend taking it out," but she's like, "If you got something going on, we need to figure out what it is, and then ..."

Do you have to buy a new one?

I do have to buy a new one. You can't just wash it and reuse. That would be great though.

And this is the thing. Do you find, because you were on the pill before ...

Yeah.

Do you find it is cost beneficial?

Oh, for sure.

Because that's a big thing.

In Canada? For sure. I don't know. It's like 100 bucks or 50 bucks or something. I don't remember.

Wow.

And how much is the pill per month?

It was a year and a half ago.

Depending [crosstalk 00:30:47].

It depends where you get it. Mine were like $20 a month back [crosstalk 00:30:54]. It depends.

The hormonal one, I think, is a little more expensive than the copper one.

That makes sense.

Yeah. So it's a little less cost effective. But in terms of paying for a pill pack every month [crosstalk 00:31:05].

Oh yeah. For sure.

... price is so much better.

Well, I think it's very important to talk about the IUD because most people ... I haven't met a ton of women on it, so that's the first thing. But it is cost benefit.

Yeah.

It lasts much longer.

It's 99.99% effective.

Wow.

So it's the most effective.

It's so effective. It's not like the birth control pill where if you miss one and you're shit baked for a month where you're just like, "Oh no. Am I pregnant? No. What's happening?"

Right.

And it's, like you said, set it, forget it.

Yeah.

Which is very important for people who have busy lives.

Yeah. You do have to ... So there are strings attached to it and they hang down into your vagina. 

Really? 

So you actually have to check them once a month just to make sure that it's in place. But after the first three or four months, you can just be like, "It's probably fine. It's going to stay in there. It's been there three, four months."

So what do you mean by strings? They're thin filaments? 

Yeah. There is an amazing group on LiveJournal. I know that's a weird thing to say, but it is [crosstalk 00:32:09].

LiveJournal.

... an amazing.

What year is this?

I know. Right? But when I was Googling stuff about it, there's this amazing group called IUD Divas on LiveJournal that has not only all the information you could ever want about it, but if you have a question about something that's going on with your body while you were on it, chances are someone else in that group has had the same question.

Cool. 

I've never posted or I'm not joined, because LiveJournal. I haven't had that since high school. But it is amazing as a resource.

Yeah.

But, yeah, the strings hang down into you, so they're out of your cervix.

Yeah.

So that you can basically check and so that when/if you need to get it removed, they just grab those and yank.

What does it look like? What does it look like?

It's like a little T.

It's like a T.

Yeah. [crosstalk 00:32:54].

And small. Very small.

It's super small. It's about the size ... I don't know. It's like the length of your pinky maybe.

Wow.

Your uterus has to be ... I got a short one because I got a tiny uterus, turns out.

Oh.

Your uterus has to be at least six inches long, so it's about, I don't know, two or three inches tall with an inch on either side for the T things.

Right.

And the copper one is like a plastic thing wrapped with copper wiring.

Oh, so it's just wrapped. I thought the whole thing was copper.

No. It's plastic wrapped in copper, because it increases, like an electrode magnet, when you wrap it, it increases the amount of metal that's actually on it.

Oh.

Wow.

Wow.

This is so interesting.

So fascinating.

I'm so glad that you guys find this interesting because I find it interesting when nobody cares.

No. Of course.

Our listeners care.

It's so important because people think the only option is the pill.

Right.

More often than not, there's a lot of women that don't even know the IUD exists.

Right.

There's also another birth control that I don't think we've ever spoken about, and I don't know ... Depo-Vera?

Depo-Provera. I had a friend who was on that.

Right.

I have a friend who's on it, too.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the shots, right?

Trish is on it.

Yeah. And you get a shot every two years or something?

Trish was on it. Yeah.

She ended up having to quit being on it because it gave her blood clots after a while.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, I think that's probably a risk. Well, that's a risk with birth control in general.

Just generally.

Yeah, hormonal stuff [crosstalk 00:34:19].

Yeah. That one made me nervous. She told me about it, and that one made me nervous because you get injected with a shit ton of estrogen.

Yeah, you do.

And then it's just in your body.

It is, yeah.

And then slowly works its way out.

And you don't get your period either.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the one that I've heard the most side effects from.

Right.

So that's why I think it's not discussed very often and people don't use that as an option.

Right.

And it's not immediately offered to you by your doctor. You have to make a case for it. My friend who was on it, she had to in a way convince her doctor. Even with birth control, some doctors are like, "There's a lot of risks. Give me your history." But with this one in particular, she had to tell him. She was like, "I forget to take my pill a lot. I'm super forgetful."

Yeah.

And had to convince him in a sense before he put her on it.

There's another one too, the NuvaRing.

Yeah.

The NuvaRing, I [crosstalk 00:35:10].

We've had a guest [crosstalk 00:35:10].

Who was on the NuvaRing?

Whoa, what is it with your memory? Julia Latkowitz. 

Right. Right. Yes. Okay.

And Monica Heissey also had an IUD as well.

Yes. So, yeah, the NuvaRing. And there's also a patch.

Yes.

The patch.

My friend went from the needle to the path, and then I think ... I don't know what she's doing now, but-

The patch seems to be the most laborious to me. I don't know.

It's like quitting smoking, but worse, because you're like [crosstalk 00:35:36].

But I couldn't remember to put a patch on every day. And do you have to keep it on there?

It's not every day.

It's not every day?

It's once a month, I think.

Yeah.

Is it only once a month?

Yeah.

For how long?

The month.

You wear it all month? The patch just stays on for the month?

That's what I thought.

No, that's got to be [crosstalk 00:35:48] because it would come off in the shower.

Absolutely.

I thought it was just you put it on [crosstalk 00:35:49] and ...

I feel like you have to wear every day for three weeks.

Really? The same patch?

I literally do not know.

We got to figure out some shit about this patch.

Yeah. We're going to go do some research.

Well, it's like quitting smoking. You got to throw it on every day, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

And if it's the same [crosstalk 00:36:12].

That's what I assumed. Yeah. That's what I assume. The same time. That's what I assumed. I was like, "I don't want to put it on a patch every day [crosstalk 00:36:15]."

So unsexy. 

... worry if it's coming off.

They would show it in the ads on a woman's lower back, like right on her hip, right above her butt. And I'm always like, "What? That would for sure come off. Skinny jeans."

I know.

Shit's rubbing up on there. I can barely keep my underwear on.

Exactly. I don't know. Yeah, the patch to me is the most foreign thing. I would never want that. I actually went in for an appointment to get an IUD.

Oh yeah.

After I spoke to you, and I think actually [crosstalk 00:36:45].

Oh, I'm so sorry if I convinced you not to get one.

Oh, no. I wanted one. I wanted one. And they were supposed to set up my appointment, and then they never did.

Oh, bummer.

I was very upset. And I actually asked for the copper one, too.

Yeah.

Because-

I would say just know yourself, if you're going to be comfortable. You get a lot more bleeding the first three months.

Yeah. Well, the bleeding doesn't bother me.

Right. It was a lot for me. I went from [crosstalk 00:37:09].

Right. Because you also had a very light period.

I also had a very light period, and if you go talk to your doctor about it, they will tell you whether or not you're a good candidate. They ask you for a history of your period, and then you tell them and they're like, "Yeah, you're a perfect candidate," or, "Yeah. No. That would suck for you."

Wow.

Which is good.

And it's not even the side effects. I think the scariest part would be the cramps of them putting it in. And I'm not uncomfortable with someone with their face in my vagina.

Yeah.

I don't give a shit.

I will say the thing that helped me the absolute most for pain was I got those stick on hot patches.

Yeah.

And those worked like a fucking miracle.

Cool. I don't even know what you're talking about. What stick on hot patches?

It was like a Icy Hot patch for injuries, those back ones.

Oh yes, yes, yes.

And I wore those for like a week straight and it helped so much. And then any time I got my period for the first three months, after the first three months, it did die down.

Okay.

I still had the weird tender other shit going on, but-

Yeah, yeah.

But largely, the cramps, it's pretty [crosstalk 00:38:12].

What a difference, though, from not having cramps growing up.

Oh, super weird.

Yeah.

And to all of a sudden having them.

Yeah. It's been really hard for me, too, because it's like trying to figure out the difference between what is a cramp and what is just like, "No, my uterus is sore," because that's also a weird experience to be like-

Yeah.

"Something is sore in my guts, and I don't know what it is. I guess it's my uterus."

How did it affect sex? Did you notice a difference at all?

Yeah. Largely, no.

No? Okay.

There's no difference.

There's no difference.

It's just sexy times. Because my uterus was swollen, sometimes my cervix got sore.

Yeah, yeah.

So any woman who might have a tender cervix, because that's something that [crosstalk 00:38:54].

It's not very common, but it is a common thing.

It is a common thing.

Yeah.

It was not something that I had, and then suddenly I did have it. And there was a bunch of positions that I was like, "Nope. Can't do this. This is going to hurt like hell."

Interesting.

But again, it build up over the course of the past year to the point where I'm like, "Ah, I can't. This is ..." Yeah.

Yeah. No. That's funny. We've never even talked about ... Because you can bleed out of your ... There's some people that have a very tender cervix.

Yeah.

And you can actually hit the cervix during sex.

Yeah.

And bleed.

Yeah.

And it's not a big deal, but people don't realize that that actually happens. So sometimes, if you think someone's bleeding on you because of their period, it could be their cervix.

Yeah. It could just be you've been banging their uterus too hard. That's a terrifying thing to say.

That is a terror [crosstalk 00:39:41].

... dudes everywhere who ... Dudes who are listening to this podcast are going to be like, "Oh no. What if I'm ..."

It doesn't hurt. I just know from other people. I've heard stories.

That it's a thing.

Yeah, that ...

That's a big penis.

Yeah.

Well, this couple was using a dildo.

Or a tiny vagina.

Or a tiny vagina.

It could be a thing. You could have a low cervix.

It changes different times of the month. Have you guys heard of ... I can't believe I didn't bring this up. Have you guys heard of the Beautiful Cervix Project?

Yes. Where she takes a picture of her cervix every single day?

It's a bunch of different ladies, and it's [crosstalk 00:40:14] a photographer who's just taking a bunch of pictures of ladies' cervixes every single day.

How is she? She's putting a camera up there.

He's got a full [crosstalk 00:40:20].

Oh, he. He. It's a guy.

He uses a speculum and [crosstalk 00:40:23] takes the photo. It's strange and beautiful and gross, all those things.

Yeah, and it shows you the way your cervix looks throughout the month of you getting your period, off your period.

Holy shit.

It's pretty amazing.

Wow.

Yeah, I think it's cool because it's something we don't often talk about the cervix. We talk about vaginas and uteruses, and we forget that little muscle right between.

And it's a very important muscle.

So important.

So important.

It keeps babies from falling out. 

From falling out, in the toilet when you're taking a shit.

Well, that's literally what it does.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.

Yes.

They didn't have cervixes.

Yeah. They didn't have ... Yeah.

So it turns out I got pregnant, so I got to put a little cap up there just to keep everything in.

And there [crosstalk 00:41:09].

Yeah, we're out of time.

Oh okay. Well, can I ask one quick [crosstalk 00:41:12]?

Sorry. I don't mean to be the Debbie Downer here, but yeah, go ahead. One last question.

One question. How is it wearing tampons or your DivaCup while you're on your IUD?

Fine. Totally fine. You got to be careful when you're removing it.

Because of the other strings.

Because there's other strings.

Oh, right.

But after a while, they curl up around your cervix.

Oh.

So unless you've really done something weird, it should be fine, or unless your cervix is super low, you should be fine.

And during sex, do you have be worried about those strings?

No. There's reports on the internet of dudes being like, "Yeah, I can totally feel this rubbing my dick." But I think it-

Is this on LiveJournal as well?

I think-

"I can feel it rubbing my dick, LiveJournal."

There's two people, people who have got their strings cut super short because they were worried about. Sometimes, they're a little pokey. Also, the hormonal IUD has a tougher string than the copper one, so it sometimes can be ... you can feel it probably, maybe. But I've never had any complaints or notices or anything.

Any complaints. Yeah.

Yeah.

No complaints.

That's a [inaudible 00:42:19].

Yeah, yeah.

I'd like to lodge a complaint with the manager. Uterus management? Yes, I can feel strings on my ... This is not okay.

Your uterus Yelp score is not good, Mikaela.

I'm just picturing [crosstalk 00:42:35] the 1940s one-panel comic of, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup," but, "Waiter, there's some strings in this vagina. I ordered distinctly a string-less vagina."

Oh my gosh. Well, thank you [crosstalk 00:42:54] for being here, Mikaela.

Yeah. Thank you for having me.

Check her out on Twitter.

Check her out on Twitter. What's your Twitter handle?

It's Mikaela Dyke. I'm going to spell it. M-I-K-A-E-L-A, D-Y-K-E.

There you go, @MikaelaDyke.

And check out the web series.

Yeah. Just Passing Through.

And look for her everywhere.

Yeah. Well, I'm around.

You can follow me @MsJessBeaulieu on Twitter.

And I'm Natalie ...

You're who, Natalie? You're Natalie.

You can follow me @StalkingNatalie.

You can also follow The Crimson Wave @thecrimsonwave.

And Facebook dot, slash ...

Oh, Jesus Christ. Just look us up on Facebook and like our page.

We post the podcast there. We post interesting articles, menstruation quotes.

Yeah. Natalie's very up-to-date on that page. She is. She is.

Yeah.

It's not a lie. I think that's it. Thank you so much. Subscribe. Please rate us. Tell everyone you know about us. And ...

Ovu-later.

Ovu-later.

Ovu-later.

Go with the flow. Crimson wave. Go with the flow. Crimson wave. Go with the flow. Crimson wave. Crimson wave.

Show Notes:

On this week's episode of The Crimson Wave your hosts Jess Beaulieu and Natalie Norman welcome actor, comedian, and theatre performer Mikaela Dyke! The ladies chat with Mikaela about her #IUD #DivaCups #TamponCommercials #SoftCorePorn and so much more!

To learn more about Mikaela follow her on twitter @mikaeladyke

To learn more about The Crimson Wave follow us @TheCrimsonWave

For Jess @msjessbeaulieu and Natalie @stalkingnatalie