The Podcast Diaries: The Crimson Wave E26

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The Transcript: 

Hello!

Welcome to the Crimson Wave!

Welcome to the Crimson Wave.

I'm wishing you would get more invested in that song.

I'm getting less and less invested in the singing and...

You started it.

As we go on. Did I?

Yes.

I think I did. Well I'm not feeling it anymore to be honest.

Fine we can cut it out next time.

Edit that shit out.

Don't edit it out.

Just kidding.

They love us talking.

We've got such egos now. Okay hey there, hey listeners, hey everyone. I'm Jess Beaulieu.

I'm Natalie Norman.

We're your hosts, this is the Crimson Wave podcast.

About menstruation.

That's right. We are so excited that you've returned to listening to us.

You're really kind.

We really should thank our listeners. I feel like we have some loyal listeners.

Thank you for the kind words.

Thank you for the kinds words, the feedback, when you tell us that we have made a lot of mistakes...

Or I like that [crosstalk 00:01:13]

Information. Which, is fair.

I like interacting with people.

Interacting with people. Really post in our Facebook page. Tweet at us.

We try to put on our Facebook page a lot of interesting information.

Yeah you do, especially Natalie does, really keeps up with that.

Yeah I love it. My Google alerts are periods.

Okay.

Sanitary napkins.

Oh wow.

Menstruation.

Okay.

Let me get, Oh Jess.

Sorry getting a phone call.

Let's...

Just an email from [inaudible 00:01:37]

Okay, we haven't even welcomed our guest yet we're terrible hosts.

No, we're just chatting away. Hello, welcome Jocelyn Geddie! Yay!

Hi, thank you so much for having me, I'm so excited to be here.

Yeah.

We're so excited to have you.

Jess at...

Jess? Well that's me, Jocelyn.

This is going to be really confusing.

Yeah, yeah. [crosstalk 00:01:56] Two J names?

Can't be done.

Jocelyn is an amazing comedian, a writer, she's part of the award winning...

Sketcher son.

The Sketcher sons. [crosstalk 00:02:07] There's going to be a lot of mixing up...

Sketcher sons.

She's part of Sketcher sons.

She does one of my favorite character pieces of all time.

The Sketcher sons is a sketch comedy troupe that performs every Sunday night as part of Sunday Night Live.

In Toronto.

At the Comedy Bar in Toronto. Jocelyn, one of her famous pieces.

Yes, oh I'm so excited.

Actually I feel like, quite famous is you played an impression of Anne Hathaway.

It's true.

In the pink gown.

In a pink gown.

Yes, more specifically because I found two old prom dresses in my parents' house and they just happened to layer perfectly and one of them looks a lot like...

It's very spot on.

Her last minute Prada, like "I always wanted to wear this, it's not because Jennifer Anis ton picked a gown that looked like my gown at all". Whenever, I'm doing this I will unzip one to reveal the other claiming that someone in the audience is wearing something too similar to what...

It's amazing.

It's incredible.

Where did I see you perform it?

Maybe at Chicka Boom.

Yeah, I did it at Chicka Boom.

I host a monthly show coming back soon called Chicka Boom all female comedy show and Jocelyn performed a couple times on it.

That was a really nice thing for me though, because I feel like, if I may, Anne Hathaway is a bit of a cultural phenomenon.

Yes.

Yes.

All guys are like I don't know what you're talking about, you are so mean and I feel like a lot of women are like, I feel like I understand what's particularly strange about this woman.

She's very, yes.

So at Chicka Boom that was the moment of everyone being like "I get it".

Oh yeah, big time.

Supportive audiences.

You try too hard lady and she's gonna find me one of these days and she's going to rip my scalp off with her bare fingers. Bless her heart she's just trying so hard to be so casual and it's not working.

It's not her personality. 

Why not make fun of her? You can make fun of anyone else, why can't you make fun of Anne Hathaway?

Well exactly.

Because she's a delicate woman, fuck that. Make fun of anyone.

Fuck that. I feel like she's smart enough she can handle it, if she demands a vegan cake on the set of her film that she has to chew up and spit out.

Really?

This is a thing that came up this week, there's a special report of like Anne Hathaway orders vegan cake, can't possibly put a regular meat cake, I don't know.

Meat cake?

Meat cake in her mouth. I guess I'm loved by people because all of these people were immediately like look at this article.

That's what happens. I find when you start talking about someone, if you do a joke or you do a sketch that involves a celebrity and people love that joke they'll message you all the time with a bunch of stuff, and you're like I don't know if I really care, but thanks.

Exactly.

It's so nice.

It's so nice, on the flip side of that if you have an embarrassing phobia. I'm very scared of sea animals and specifically octopuses.

Oh my God.

Whenever I mention this to people they're like that's really funny, and I'm like it's a crippling fear I have, and they're like I didn't hear that part. Then I get these horrible articles that are like octopus escapes from its tank and unscrewed the screws with its leg tentacles.

Oh my God.

Yeah, and then just swarmed around looking for human flesh, and they're like isn't this great and I'm like I don't, can't. 

You're still in their head though.

Right, but I'm still in their head. 

Flattery. 

So, fair enough.

Very flattering. 

So let's start with the menstruation. What do you think is Anne Hathaway's, I know we're starting of the top with something strange...

No, that's great. 

What do you think Anne Hathaway is like on her period?

Here's what I think. If, I were to guess, I would say there is one solid day of crying at the indignity of it all. There's a full day of just being upset at the thought of having to use a sanitary napkin. Side salad, I do believe that she uses an old fangled 50s sanitary napkin, that you have to attach to your belt with hooks. And then I think she retires to her bed and does not really eat any solids for a full week and generally is extremely delicate, and probably uses it as an opportunity to talk about playing Fantine in Les Miserable. 

For sure. 

For sure, she always talks about it. 

Right. 

She's never going to leave it up, but can we just all remember she was in the best movie of all time, Princess Diaries. 

Two, you mean?

Two.

Princess Diaries two. I was talking about two. 

Yeah, of course the best. 

That is a really important thing for me to remember, now that she's recast herself as the swan of Hollywood. There was a time where she played a teenager who was as close to Cathy in that a cartoon could be in real life, and that delights my soul tremendously. 

Oh my god. Wow, but she for sure probably uses a huge pad or whatever and then tells everyone she uses a diva cup. 

Yep, for sure. 

Oh you know, she does.

Of course, I use a diva cup. It's so much better for the environment. 

I just really think it's important does Jennifer Lawrence use a diva cup? Because, I also use a diva. Like Jennifer Lawrence I think just like bleeds in the streets. [crosstalk 00:07:15] 

For sure, she runs out...

This is my period. 

And just runs away.

I have to be me. 

Yeah, oh Jennifer Lawrence. She'd be a riot to bring on here. 

Oh yeah. 

Jennifer Lawrence if you're listening we'd love to have you as a guest.

Get on the show. I saw an interview where you were talking about having armpit vaginas. 

Pit vaginas.

Yeah, someone was like, "what dress are you wearing?" she's like, "Oh it's so tight, making me look like I have a vagina in my armpit. Anyway what was your question?" What are you wearing? It's amazing. Oh man. 

Oh man. Jennifer Lawrence. 

Just a real woman. 

Just a real woman. Yeah, although...

That's true.

I feel like the media is so obsessed with Jennifer Lawrence too. Anytime she does anything normal they go crazy. They are obsessed with her.

That's true.

They'd be like, "what are you up to this weekend Jennifer?" She'd be like, "I don't know, I have my period." And they'd be "you get a period too." Ahhh. 

Ahh.

At the front of the New York Times. She menstruates like the rest. For sure, that's exactly what would happen.

That's so true. 

Well Jocelyn, we're here to talk about your period though. 

Yes.

Forget Anne Hathaway, forget Jennifer Lawrence.

Get out of here ladies.

Get out of here. Are you on your period now?

No, I am not. 

Excellent, okay.

I have literally four days [crosstalk 00:08:32] on the countdown. 

How do you keep track of your period?

As, of my birth control pill situation.

Okay.

That is what helps in that regard, because otherwise let's be real, I'm a very neurotic person and I have five sisters so...

Oh, whoa.

Whoa.

Oh, surprise. I am a girl with five sisters.

Any brothers?

That's amazing.

No brothers. Yeah, just big old family. I'm the fourth of six girls, and so very early on...

I'm the fifth of five kids. 

What's up! 

But I have a brother, but he's like a girl. 

Yeah, when there are enough girls around...

Yeah.

It's like I just have to blend. I feel at a very early age I was like, fertility is not a problem in my family. And so I'm very vigilant about being like when is my dear menstrual friend coming to visit me.

Wow.

Yes. 

So Jesus, there were a lot of feminine hygiene products in that house. 

So many, so so many.

I have a lot of questions...

That's amazing. 

Fire away, so happy to hear.

Okay, let's talk about when you first got your period. 

Yes.

Let's start with there.

Okay this is a good story because it's embarrassing. I was 13 and I had a geography exam.

Right.

And halfway through the exam started to feel weird and I was like I am very stressed out, but didn't really think about it. Finished my exam a bit early, went to the bathroom, had totally started my period, and very heavy flow for a first period.

Wow.

And it was one of those things were its, I knew it was going to happen so it wasn't like I wasn't aware of what this was, but it still was a big shock to me. So for half a second I was like, I caused myself to hemorrhage from stress. And then I just went home, my sister was there, she hooked me up with some tampons, that was that. But then the next day, and this was the worst part, I came in because we had exam week so every day was just exams, you came in and did your exam and everybody was talking in the hall. I was like "what's up?", this girl was like someone menstruated all over a chair and the janitor had to clean it up, and I was like no...

Was it you? It was you.

It was me.

But was it all over your pants?

No, because we had uniforms and they were dark. 

Kilt. Oh they...

Yeah, like a kilt type situation. 

It was a kilt?

It was a tunic with just a full body kilt. It was very unattractive. You look like your wearing a pinafore. People actually used to think that I went to a school for pregnant teens, because it was just this shapeless sack, and the fabric would catch in a way that it would look like you were hiding a baby bump. 

Jesus.

But, it totally all blended in to that and you had to wear boxers so there was enough dark color absorbing my situation, that no one could trace it to me. But the janitor cleaned up my period blood. That was my first.

Oh my god that is...

Did you give him a gift at the end of the year being like, this is for no reason. 

Yeah, yeah. 

Hello Mr Deciro, I don't want to talk about why I'm giving you this.

Here's a 100 dollar bill, and he's like "that sounds like a bribe." And your like, "it's not." 

Actually here's a true story, you are the first adults I have ever told. 

Oh, we love that.

What?

This story has been top secret in my life...

Oh.

Until this moment...

My.

We are healing tonight. [crosstalk 00:12:00]

I am so honored. The Crimson Wave is...

The Crimson Wave exclusive.

We are honored and... 

This is crazy.

Now I'm going to probe you. I've got a million questions about that. 

Yes.

So first of, you wore tampons right away after that?

Well that was the only thing my sister had, and then I defaulted to pads for a while. And then I was understandably really paranoid about leaking...

Yeah.

On anymore chairs so...

Oh yeah.

For a long time I was, this is amazing actually, I would just use the overnight pads, because they were so long.

Oh my god. 

That was my deal for a long time, and then I was like this is ridiculous, and then it was straight to OB's and I never turned back.

Ob's?

Right to the Ob's. 

And you still use OB's?

Still, on an OB, working my way up to a diva cup. I haven't gotten there yet. 

Right.

But OB that's still amazing. 

Yeah. 

Because, I find OB's so difficult.

Do you? I understand that. There's a lot of...

Because there's no applicator, right?

Yeah, there's no applicator. 

So you just...

Situation your just like (click sound). 

How did you feel the first time you stick one in?

Well the first time I felt very uncomfortable, because I stole one from my mother.

Yeah.

And having had six children, sorry mom, she's on those big as purple Ob's. 

Whoa, right.

So I went from one time tampon, the tiniest kind to overnight pad to a missile, and I think I cried all day. I was just, this is so uncomfortable and then I was just you got to lean in. 

Okay, so...

Wow.

Were you paranoid of leaking afterwards? 

I was extremely paranoid of leaking.

Did you ever leak anywhere?

I never did. I don't think that ever came up, but I always... wait did it come up? Actually yes it did, yes I did. Your right it did happen once? 

What night?

I was hanging out and watching cartoons, and then my dad was like, "you've had your period through your pants."

Just casually.

My poor dad. And my mom had throughout my life, because my dad has six daughters. She was very adamant about no cosmos in the house.

Yeah.

No things that are like, over talk about sex in your dads face, which I totally get. And this is not that my dad would be uncomfortable about a person having their period, but I feel like he's just, Oh god why me.

So, wait did it come through the front?

No, it was a full back situation. I'm comfortably strolling around in my pale pink sheep pajama pants.

So your dad has six daughters?

Yes.

Wow.

Yes.

How does he feel about that? What were his experiences like?

That is a good question. I feel like...

That's a lot of women in the house, plus your mom that's seven women. 

Seven women but then the dog was a girl. It was just eight women around all the time.

Did she have her period?

Yeah. Constant perioding from the dog. No. Thank god, can you imagine.

My dogs have it. 

Really?

Yeah, they do.

I don't know what we would do.

Your dad would be like, "I can't have no [crosstalk 00:15:18]with a fucking period."

I've never formally had a sit down with him and been, what has it been like to have six daughters? But he would never tell you anything other than I loved it, and I love you. I love women. You're all strong women. He likes theater and he likes music and art. 

Yeah.

Doesn't care super much about sports. It's not...

Yeah.

I don't think he felt like he was missing out on it.

Right, right. 

But I feel like my mom is such a feminist, and was such a super feminist...

Oh really. Oh my god.

All through my life. You would get that inevitable question of, oh your poor dad or...

Yeah.

Does your dad hate this? And my mom would jump in immediately and be like, "my husband would never be so stupid as to tell me that he hated anything, and he's so lucky blah blah blah." So I don't think I ever had a context for my dad ever. 

Right.

He's been loving it.

But did he have buy you guys a lot of tampons and stuff? Did he pick up pads for you or anything?

I don't think so. I feel like there was such a house shared system of menstrual products, because when there are six girls your just like...

Absolutely.

I'm going to dip into the funds. I'm 12 years old, or well I was 13 or onwards from there...

Yeah.

I don't want to think about spending money on those...

Yeah.

I'm just going to steal a handful from my sisters.

Right, right.

So I don't think he ever bought us anything. 

The visual of your dad in a shop or something...

Just like piling them in. 

Here we go.

Filled with tampon boxes and he was like, "I have seven women in my house." 

This is where I'm curious about. So there's six girls...

Yeah.

Did you all get it consecutively, or did you get it before another sister, did another sister skip or was it all in order?  

Oh, that's a good question. I feel as though...

Oh, you mean chronologically.

Yeah, did each of you get it before one another?

Oh I see what your saying. Okay.

I feel like it was mostly consecutive. I feel like my second oldest sister got it before my oldest sister.

Right.

I think but I'm not sure. 

Interesting.

But by a march we're all exactly two years apart more or less.

Okay.

So it's just kind of like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Wow.

Did you sync up? Do you sync up? Did you?

100 percent. Absolutely.

With your mom too?

I feel like we all [crosstalk 00:17:31] just moaning women. There definitely have been points were all of my sisters and I have just, because I used to get really back cramps. I'm like shooting cramps, and we'd all just be laying there like, "Dad, help"

He was the only helping one. He's the only one who could walk.

Yeah, it was just like those camps in olden times where everyone had consumption, and were like, "save me doctor".

That's amazing. That explains a lot about you though, because I feel like you are a very strong woman, but also your a feminist...

Thank you.

Jocelyn's very vocal about her views and her opinions I feel so...

Which we love.

True, thank you.

Which we love and it's great. Man that's a lot of...

I like it because we've only had, well there's me and we had a guest on before Robbie, there's five girls in her family, there's 10 kids.

Oh my gosh.

But I find it interesting to see if people get it chronologically or what happens.

Totally.

But I don't think I've mentioned this before, but my sisters six years older than me, and I got my period two years after her.

Really?

I got mine very young.

Yeah.

So she got it when she was older, she was 14 and I was 10.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

It's pretty close and I don't think my mom was expecting it, and I know she wasn't because she told me I just had a cut on my vagina.

I feel like this came up for the first one of us in our family who got our period. My mother was like, "no, that can't be true". You've just been...

No, because after the first one it's just like boom, boom, boom.

Exactly, that's what she said.

That's what I thought when I lost my virginity. Have I told you that? Everyone knows it, well I had a hymen thing happen...

Oh boy.

Did you know about this?

Ah, yes. 

Yeah, the hymen removed.

If, you don't know about Jess' hymen get with it.

How could no one, Google Jess hymen and you'll find it.

Look up that hymen story it is a fascinating one.

It's all over the internet in every forum. It really is. Anyway, but when I first had sex I had groomed. I was like, "I'm taking it all of baby, losing the virginity tonight" and fucking cut myself on my vagina, and then the dick didn't go in at all, because my vagina was just slamming against it, and the next day I was bleeding in my underwear, and I was like, "oh my god, it happened". And then I was like, no I just sliced my vagina while I was shaving.

This is an interesting question that, tell me if it's to personal, but I don't know how you groom your vagina. But do you maybe keep it short during that time, because...

We've never asked that question.

I am honored that I am the first. I like that's what I defaulted to, I'm honored but I am actually honored. My vaginal grooming is largely accidental and here's why, because I am a person who shaves. Largely to save money.

Yes.

Absolutely.

And then, I feel like one time I was just I got to take a shower, and I'm a very careless shaver as most people can attest, so I was just boop dup, and then was like dear god everything is gone. And so...

Yeah.

So I feel like I've mostly been trying to recover from that.

Fair enough, it's traumatic. 

Yes, it is traumatic. So no, I'm fairly consistent. Mostly the only thing I'm really thinking about is not cutting myself horribly, because I have definitely done...

Absolutely.

Who hasn't.

The three line razor slice along your, and it is the worst. 

I've talked about this before with friends, but I once was trimming my hair and used craft scissors...

Oh my.

I was trimming my vagina hair and cut a little bit of my labia. 

Oh my god. With a pair of craft scissors.

Oh god.

Like children's scissors?

I don't know why I had them in my room.

Like the squiggly ones?

Safety scissors?

Yeah, the squiggly ones.

Jesus.

Pinking shears were it's just like a tiny little... oh my god that makes me cringe. That is amazing to me.

But it's nice to know that other people are doing something similar.

Oh absolutely.

Yes.

We've all invited such carnage upon our own vaginas.

And I usually try a depilatory cream, because no one [crosstalk 00:21:44] 

It's 2014 time to depilatory cream. 

Like no ones been doing that since 1991, but anyway.

The last time I used a depilatory cream, this is true, I was a teenager. And I was literally in a shop or stock market, and I was like, I should try this out to see if it actually works. I don't want to commit before buying. I'm 16, I buy crap all the time, have a purse full of brown lipsticks, because that's what I thought looked good. But I smeared it on my arm not realizing that depilatory creams have a very strong scent, and so I panicked and just basically did a serpentine around the aisles of the store, and escaped as quickly as possible. And then nothing happened because I have very coarse hair. 

Yeah, you got to leave it in.

Well and also you got to leave it on for...

You have to leave it on for ten...

I'd be worried what that stuff would do to my vagina.

I've been fine.

There you go.

But I usually I just pour it on, just buckets full. But usually I end up waxing, I never wax, I usually ended up shaving because I never groom myself until I have a man in my bedroom., and then I say give me a minute and I go consistently and shave my whole fucking vagina. This has been the last 20 times I've had sex. This is what happens. I'm never prepared for it.

I'm always prepared. 

You really are. 

Yeah.

I like to keep a tight schedule on this. No, because I get mine waxed, and the longer you wait between waxes the more painful it gets.

Yep.

I see, yes that makes sense.

I'm actually going to go this week, and it's always a fun time with your vagina out and a lady's face right in there. Always strange.

Have you ever done it on your period? No, you wouldn't do it.

Yes, at the end. The tail end. You're allowed to go in as long as your wearing a tampon...

Oh.

And it's not that heavy, but I prefer not to because I find I'm sensitive when I'm on my period.

That's understandable.

But what is your typical period like?

Oh, it has changed a lot.

Oh.

I'm really fascinated by actually how my period has changed, because I switched from one kind of birth control pill to another one. And I used to be like a five days of just waterfall and then over.

Wow.

Really.

They're really, really heavy. And now it's like that's completely gone, which is very strange for me because that's been my experience since I first started having a period.

Right.

So it's just kind of like a gentle hi, here I am, remember me, and then it's gone after four days.

What pill are you on?

It's called APRI208.

APRI.

I've never heard of that one.

I have not either, but here was the amazing experience I had with my doctor, and I hope that everyone else gets to have this experience at one point. I was like, "I'm on this thing, I don't really like it. I feel like it's making me feel weird" and he pulled out this book and he was like let's go through this together. And he exhaustively talked through all these different options with me, which I thought was very cool.

That's amazing.

That's awesome.

Yeah, he was very like, "Personally I don't think anyone should be on the pill, I don't believe in impeding your natural rhythms, but if your going to let's figure this out together". Everybody here's a PSA most doctors would probably have a full description of pills you have never heard of, so ask them about it and ask them to go through that information with you.

Absolutely.

It's important, because you always hear about a few certain ones but there's so many.

There's so many.

So many. And all of them, there's an infinite variation and all of them have very tiny differences that are uniquely calibrated, but they make a huge impact.

Well I've looked into it extensively, because I get migraines which I've discussed as well with ORA and there's a risk of stroke. So I'm not on the pill anymore, but for a period there my fucking doctor whooped out this whole thick book and he would look down and see what the hormone levels were in each one, and we read through all of them. And they have all that information.

Yes, and also we always forget about the IUD.

The IUD.

The IUD, which I am very excited to see come back and to see so many people taking advantage of.

Absolutely.

Yes, and they invented I think, is it the new one copper or the old one copper? Whatever there's two different kinds.

Sorry there's a party happening in my house right now.

But we're serious about periods.

We're talking about IUD's and...

We left a party to talk about our periods. 

Let's wait a second for all that noise to calm down. 

Yeah, well we can just...

Whatever.

Whatever.

So your on the pill.

Yeah.

Do you get cramps still? You said you used to get really terrible ones.

I used to, no I don't get them anymore. But I definitely used to have responses were I would have to curl up in a ball...

Yeah.

And I would just have to lie there until it subsided. And then shooting pains down my body.

Birth control tends to help that a lot.

Yeah, I think your right.

With cramps.

It just kind of waves all of that away.

That's what happened with me for sure.

Did you go on the pill because of your period cramps?

I did not. I went on the pill right around getting prepared to lose my virginity. You're suppose to start your pill on the first day of your period, but then I was like, "I can't wait it's Valentine's Day". I'm young, and terrified of doing this with, not that young, real talk university, late bloomer anyway...

Oh we were [crosstalk 00:27:23] the late bloomers to society.

Perfect. I love it.

Late bloomers of society.

Late bloomer society.

LBS as we like to call ourselves.

It's just one letter away...

Cheers

From LDS, which is Mormons but I like it.

And also one word away from LSP, well you know.

Ah, yeah. The Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time.

Oh, Lumpy Space Princess. Don't get me started.

Natalie's idol.

Spirit animal.

She really is.

But also just her twin. Natalie in animation.

I would literally be Lumpy Space Princess.

Yeah, it's eerie. It is eerie how identical they are. 

So back to my experience, so I was overcome by passion, incorrect. I was overcome by a 15 minute urge followed by the fellow I was seeing at the time being like, "I don't think I can do it, I'm catholic". 

My god.

And then we had sex and then I was like, "I haven't started the pill yet I'm pregnant". Called my younger sister, sobbed hysterically into the phone, got my period an hour later, started the pill. That was my adventure of starting the pill.

Did you not use protection? Is that what happened?

We did use protection, and I was still so paranoid. 

Yeah.

I'm so paranoid.

How we're so similar. What's your sign?

Scorpio.

Scorpio.

We love Scorpios.

We love Scorpios.

Right.

I'm very attracted to Scorpios.

It's a good connection.

We just all literally turned to you as if we were coming on to you...

Yeah.

We love Scorpios.

I know.

I've had a lot of good sex with some Scorpios as of recent.

I feel it's important to note for the context of this discussion that Natalie is sitting in this amazing accidental sultry pose.

It's never accidental.

Spoiler alarm.

And her breasts are out as per usual.

Yes.

Perfect.

They have a mind of their own.

If I had breasts they would have a mind of their own.

Yeah, ditto. Me too. Yes. Since, we're talking about sex...

Yes.

What.

Whoa, how do you feel about period sex Jocelyn?

I'm so pro. So pro and I don't understand why anyone is against, because you are depriving yourself so much. 

Sorry, it is so loud.

I know the party got more excited behind us when we started talking about period sex.

Yeah, everyone loves it.

This is crazy. Wow. Sorry listeners but we're having a good time at Jess' old place. Sorry pro period.

Pro periods. I just feel like lean into it.

Lean into it.

Because real, real talk if you are the kind of guy who is into, or girl or whatever...

Yeah.

If your into period sex it is just a very opening time for everybody I think.

I completely agree. 

Because everyone's is like, "oh great, your cool with this". Perfect I feel very connected to you, I feel very happy that you feel comfortable in this moment, and I feel there's a lot more concern about mess then there actually is. 

Yeah.

I don't really see that there's a lot of difference between a large amount of semen and...

Right.

A large amount of menstrual blood. 

That's right.

So I say why make distinctions. 

Will you let a man go down on you?

I have never had that experience, but if they were amenable I would be like, yeah do it.

Nice.

Do you find you get hornier on your period?

Yes. Oh my god, yes.

Wow.

Absolutely. 

Well you are a Scorpio after all.

Yeah, that...

I'm so sorry. I know...

Clearly.

so much about sexual preferences of the Scorpio.

It's my fault. It's my fault.

Because honestly the last two guys I've had sex with actually, this is actually true, were both Scorpios. Excellent at it.

[crosstalk 00:31:06] 

If your listening gentlemen, come back anytime. Actually they both listen to this podcast too.

Oh my god.

Oh god.

They actually both listen to it, this is crazy. I might have to edit that out. No, it's fine. What the hell am I talking about? Oh yes, Scorpios. So I've looked man and Natalie's really got me hooked on the astrology.

Because I'm a crazy.

And so I've read so much about Scorpios, and your wild.

That's true. Well I feel like... Really, that's true. Here I am sitting in my prim secretaries dress and my [inaudible 00:31:46] glasses. Yeah, I feel like as a kid I would read those horoscopes and be like what do you mean? And now as an adult who spends most of her time falling down I'm like, what do you mean? I do agree around period time when I'm like what's up.

Yeah.

How about before your period? 

That is totally depended on my water retention levels, which largely happens in my legs. I feel like my one now major symptom of period impending ness is that my legs just slowly start to hurt, because they're holding onto all this water.

Right.

I'm like I feel weird. Let's just eat tacos.

Understandable. Wow. Have you ever had, well I don't know if your comfortable, has your period been late? Have you had a scare? Your neurotic, your paranoid, so I guess it's scary all the time.

It's scary all the time. It is scary all the time. I have had periods that have been late, because of taking...

Your pills wrong.

Taking pills wrong, yeah totally. And every single time, I have taken so many just out of fear pregnancy tests.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Which, is such an expensive habit to have.

So expensive.

It is expensive.

It is the worst way to alleviate your anxieties...

Yeah.

But I have forked over, and in really stupid times too. During my period I've been like, this is one of those pregnant periods you always hear about.

Those pregnant periods.

It's now at a point were the pregnancy tests are clearly not you idiot, and I'm like, well you never know.

Oh, yeah.

Definitely I've had those moments.

Oh man. There was period there... a period. Oh man, nailed it. I think it was my first boyfriend, probably when I was the craziest. I was just every month dropping 20 bucks on a god damn pregnancy test, and I would buy the two pack and then use them both back to back.

Yes.

Because you never know, I'll pee on it again. And then they both were negatives, and should I buy another one? And it was just every month was the two pack and I was like, this is insane. Now I'm a lot more easygoing.

It's funny because now your not on the pill.

I'm not on the pill and I often don't use condoms, at the beginning when we're first having sex. So I don't use the pull out method, it's just like a tease. A fun little moment, but we don't have really long full on intercourse. 

You have half intercourse.

We have half intercourse, without a condom I mean. But when I was like younger I would be on birth control and using a condom, and still would buy pregnancy tests.

Absolutely. There was a period with my first boyfriend in University were even if for whatever reason I'd run out of birth control, even with a condom I would not let us have sex. And he loved it of course. I'd be crying in the corner of my bed like, "You don't know what this will do to me, I'm not moving". He was like, "I'm so young I just want to have sex. Please just let me do this poorly for 15 seconds, and then leave you alone".

Oh my god.

Fuck that's great. Do you notice any mood changes? Do you get emotional? Did we talk about that yet?

No.

No. I get so emotional. I get really...

Oh you do.

I'm a very emotional person I think in general.

Right.

You're a Scorpio.

Scorpio. Right.

We're Cancers. It's Scorpios who are very emotional. 

So emotional.

Water signs.

All these water signs. I love this, I love talking about horoscope stuff.

Oh, me too.

Yeah, I will just tear up over the most random things. And I'm in a very bad habit at work were if I need to take a break on something, for some reason the thing I default to is not something funny it's usually like, veteran from the war with one leg comes home to a puppy who he hasn't seen...

I knew that's [crosstalk 00:35:58]

Now it's a wolf. The wolf jumps in his arms and everyone cries, and I'm hysterical behind my screen. And there was a long time at my job where I shared my office with the printer, so people would come in...

Printer.

Yeah, it was like, "welcome to this job" also you work in the corner. I seriously worked in the office supply room. So people would come in to get their print outs and I'd be like, "oh, just a little dusty in here. Printer ink I suppose". Crying so hard behind my [crosstalk 00:36:28]

I don't know what you said, but when you said printer. I just imagined you talking to the printer for some reason. 

Yeah, I imagined you talking to the printer.

Oh I feel...

No one understands me, and he's like mir-mir, and your like you get me.

It was one of those really old printers that just makes sounds, and working here is the pits. Especially late at night. Boy I could sure go for a tall frosty one. Well anyway. I'm high on fumes. 

Oh man.

I get super emotional and I get very teary about just the most stupid things. Or even happy things I'll cry over that.

Oh yeah.

Cry at musicals a lot. It's an embarrassing time.

I cry at commercials.

Yeah.

I find Nike commercials get me.

Nike?

Which is really weird because I'm not an athletic person.

No.

I understand that because you're like they are trying so hard.

They're doing it. 

They really are doing it.

Yeah, mine is like this song changed key, it's so beautiful.

Do you ever get angry?

Oh, yeah.

I don't so much get angry, I find I just have a tunneling inward response where I'm just like, everything's so hard I just need to cry. I don't know why, and then I'm like obviously. It's mostly just getting very emotional and nothing really else for me.

Right.

Do you do anything special on your period? Like your crying and I need a tub of ice cream.

I have something I do, especially my boyfriend works remotely and so I have something I like to indulge in, especially around period times. Which I like to call the fancy ladies delight, and it is basically just the most what I imagine a male writer for a 90s sitcom about working women would be like, "this is what women enjoy". But it's just a very hot bath, lot of chocolate, maybe wine in the bath, just watching shows on Netflix, now I'm typed. 

That sounds like the perfect night.

It's an amazing night. Do you ever think it's just really funny to like...

Oh, absolutely. 

Because I feel like part of me is always working so hard to combat the image of women ever needing...

You betcha.

Anything, and then a part of me thinks it is so funny to indulge those stereotypes.

So funny.

They're ridiculous and that's why we love them.

Yeah, exactly.

Absolutely.

I just pictured you just in the bath eating strawberries covered with chocolate, just a bottle of champagne for some reason and watching Murphy Brown. 

Okay.

Oh my god, I was almost going to say Murphy Brown. I wish. If that was on Netflix you bet.

Yeah, why isn't that on Netflix?

Get Murphy Brown on Netflix.

Can I just tell you what Natalie and I did for Valentine's Day this year.

Oh, I'm excited.

Nothing, we did nothing.

We did nothing.

So what did we do? We came to my house, and Natalie ate a frozen cake...

That had been there for months.

Just from the cake package. She didn't cut it...

It was red velvet.

Red Velvet had been there for months ice cream cake, frozen, ate it with a fork into the fucking cake, while I ate a dairy free...

Just crushed up coconut.

Dairy free fudgicles or some ridiculous shit because I'm lactose intolerant.

Is that the night we watched Frances Ha?

Yeah, then we fell asleep in bed together. And that was it, and then Natalie at one point woke up and was like, "I have to leave". And I was like, bye. I'm going to continue sleeping, it's nine o'clock I'm tired. And that was our Valentine's Day.

What are you talking about.

No, this is perfect, I love it.

I don't even know that we watched Frances Ha that night. I think we may...

Because it was a series of nights were I'll just come over and eat the cake.

Yeah. I think the cake...

It's gone.

Natalie finished it. But she for months ate that fucking cake. We'd whip it out every time. 

Just so freezer burned and...

Oh, yeah.

Especially around your period probably. 

Yeah, I'm very emotional, so.

Well you got to lean into just eating whatever snacks are there. 

Yeah.

I will admit that once I was around my period and had nothing in my freezer to eat, but a deep dish pie crust, and I baked it and ate it. Solves the [inaudible 00:40:42] just a pie crust and I was like no I must never tell. Half of my brain was don't ever tell anyone and the other half of my brain was it's a lot like eating tortilla chips. You can just say your eating tortilla chips, when your not eating tortilla chips, your eating a pound of shortening by yourself.

Oh, yeah.

Well that's okay. I do that sometimes when I'm not on my period.

Yeah.

Yep, those are always good times. 

God now she's choking. She's dying.

Oh, no.

Well, you know what we've run out of time.

Oh, no.

We could talk. I know, we could talk all night.

I'm actually very sweaty.

Yeah.

Well, Natalie often gets hot.

Hot and heavy.

Hot and heavy.

Sorry.

Listeners I want to let you know before we go I have not tried the fucking diva cup yet, but I will soon enough. 

And I'm going to try the sponge.

Yes.

Ooh.

I've been busy this week and I hadn't brought a pad. I got my period yesterday...

Wait, hold on I've just got to tell you this. I go, "Jess have you tried the diva cup?" She goes, "I think I'm still wearing the pad from the night before". 

Yeah, I forgot. Oh wait, I guess I got my period two days ago.

I go, wait does that mean you didn't change your underwear? And she's like, "no, I took a shower this morning, nevermind". We're fine.

You know how it is.

No I don't.

I don't know this.

Not changing your underwear for a month, we've all been there.

These are the same pair. Listen ladies, sometimes you don't know about changing your pad, just wear the same pad for a month.

Wear the same pady, what am I inventing words. 

Okay, you can follow Jocelyn at Jocelyn Gettie on Twitter.

Correct.

On Twitter.

You can see her every Sunday at the comedy bar.

Comedy bar.

That's right. With The Sketcher sons, were you may see me playing Anne Hathaway or eating a pie crust. It's up to you. 

Which is...

Both at the same time.

Or both why not both.

We just helped you write a new sketch.

Anne Hathaway, you know that girl has never eaten a pie crust in her days. Be like, "I just don't" and would cry a little bit and then retire to her boudoir to put on another of those 50s menstrual pads with the hooks. I don't know why this is my vision, but I love it so much.

I love it.

Cool, you can follow me Jess at miss Jess Beaulieu.

And you can follow me at stalking Natalie.

You can also follow the Crimson Wave at the Crimson Wave.

And on Facebook at...

Okay.

Facebook.com/thecrimsonwave

No, never need to say that.

There is links to the episodes and other interesting tid bits about menstruation. 

True, say. 

Please rate us.

Subscribe. Tell your family.

Yeah, your family needs to know about this.

Your family is...

Leave comments and we'll get back to you.

Please, send us messages. Give me a ring. Four, one, six, nevermind.

You wish gentlemen.

But you guys who I had sex with that are listening, and they're like, "come on" [crosstalk 00:43:43] 

We have your number.

They definitely have it. Okay. Let's wrap this up. Thank you so much for listening. Please listen again next week, we love you very much.

And ovyoulater.

Great.

Go with the flow. Crimson Wave. Go with the flow. Crimson Wave. Go with the flow. Crimson Wave. Crimson Wave. 

Show Notes:

On this week's episode of The Crimson Wave your hosts Jess Beaulieu and Natalie Norman welcome the amazing comedian and writer Jocelyn Geddie to the podcast. Jocelyn writes and performs with the award-winning sketch troupe The Sketchersons every Sunday night at the Comedy Bar in Toronto. Jess, Natalie, and Jocelyn chat about #menstruation #periods #tampons #divacups #leaking #AnneHathaway #JenniferLawrence #waxing #shaving #vaginas #feminism AND SO MANY OTHER GREAT THINGS.

To find out more about Jocelyn follow her on twitter @jocelyngeddie

To find out more about The Crimson Wave follow us on twitter @TheCrimsonWave

Follow Jess @msjessbeaulieu and Natalie @stalkingnatalie