The Podcast Diaries: The Crimson Wave E25

Jun. 07, 2020 By BeYou

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The Transcript:

Welcome to The Crimson Wave. I don't know if that was-

I'll let you take the solo now.

Welcome to The Crimson Wave.

Welcome to the Crimson Wave. Welcome to The Crimson Wave everybody. There's our classic intro song that we just made up.

Yeah, yeah.

After our actual song that we have as well. A lot of singing in this podcast.

We have two intros, we have two intros.

Oh, there's another song that's going to play that I haven't heard, because I'm [crosstalk 00:00:45].

Yeah.

Yeah, you'll hear it, it's an amazing song.

Okay.

And that's the voice of our guest today.

Our guest.

Well, let's say I'm-

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, thank you, you're a guest.

Hi, I've been invited.

You've been invited.

I didn't come here.

I'm Jess Beaulieu.

I'm Natalie Norman.

We're your hosts. And our guest today is Christophe Davidson.

Hi there.

He has performed at Just for Laughs Homegrown last year.

Oh my God. Homegrown Competition.

Yeah.

JFL42.

Yeah.

As well in Toronto.

And in your dreams.

Yeah, possibly.

[inaudible 00:01:17].

Yeah. He's performed in your dreams as well, yeah.

As we have as well, I imagine. At this point.

I hope so.

At this point.

I hope people are dreaming about our menstrual cycles. We're so excited to have Christophe here. Christophe, you're our third man.

What?

Yeah.

The third man?

Yeah, yeah.

The third man.

[inaudible 00:01:35] still on the podium, all right.

Yeah, yeah. And you're bronze, yeah.

Bronze in like-

Well, we'll see, maybe you're gold.

Yeah.

Hey, all right.

You're in the DJ's episode.

Oh right, we don't know what their time was, and the heat.

Yes.

Yeah, exactly, we don't know.

We will find out in a week's time.

Most sexually positive man.

Oh, it's going to be stiff competition.

Yeah, Jordan especially is super... they both were.

Super sex pot?

Yes.

But Jordan was super sex. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

This is going to be great.

Yeah, this is going to be great.

Before we start, I would just like to update everyone on my period.

Please.

Update on your period?

Yes.

Okay, go ahead.

I'm on my last day.

Okay.

And this is why I'm switching to The DivaCup officially.

Oh, cool.

Okay.

I will see how that goes, because this week I was like, I put a tampon in, and I was like, "I'm in a lot of pain." And I went to the bathroom and there was two tampons in me.

Ah.

This happened recently?

This happened this week.

Holy shit.

This is the second time it's happened to me.

That is something that guys I think generally don't ever have to go through.

No.

If I'm making... not the tampons, just making the mistake of, "Oh, I've screwed up, I got two of them in me."

Yeah.

Just two things inside me.

Two things inside. Well yeah, you don't really put much inside you I guess.

Well a butt. Maybe you put something in your butt.

A butt plug? "I got two butt plugs inside me. Whoops."

Suppositories.

[inaudible 00:02:53]

Yeah, you're right. Suppositories, yeah.

Fingers.

Yeah.

But by getting two, you'd have to... because, yeah.

Well, I think what happened is I was really exhausted, and I woke up, and I guess I had not slept... I thought in my head I hadn't slept with one. So I just put another one in. And I pulled it out, I was like, "I think there's something still in me." And I pulled another one out. And I was just mortified, because it's scary. It's scary, so.

Yeah, yeah. It happens. It's common. It happens to a lot of women.

DivaCup for me next month.

Have you bought one yet?

I went to go purchase one, but I'm going to try purchasing a different one.

Okay, why?

There's different brands besides DivaCup.

DivaCup is the Kleenex brand of-

Yes.

Why, it's too expensive?

Well, there's just other brands, and I want to give them all a fair chance. You're doing DivaCup, I'm going to do something else.

Okay. I just bought a DivaCup, yeah.

Yeah, she's going the no-name.

Yeah, I know, yeah. Okay.

[crosstalk 00:03:43]

Not no-name. There's a bunch of different brands.

What is the clinical term for a-

A menstrual cup.

A menstrual cup? Okay, yeah.

Yeah.

I haven't used mine because I haven't gotten my period yet. But come a week's time listeners...

Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot!

Yeah, I heard [crosstalk 00:04:01]. Shots! Wow. Christophe just punched the air, just a bunch of... That was amazing, yeah. Shots, yeah.

In a couple weeks everybody, call me bar.

Yeah, I'm excited.

I'm coming over.

Call me bar, yeah. Who would come to this show where we do shots of my menstrual blood? Let us know, send us an email.

And then everyone would have to review the taste of it afterward.

Yeah, yeah. Let's see if this is going to be something, yeah. We can produce it yeah, let's do it.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm definitely taking a picture of my blood though, and I've been inspired, I'm going to Instagram that shit.

Oh, yeah? Cool.

Yeah, probably. Well, we'll see.

Be proud of it. Let's menstrual shame.

Yeah.

Yes.

You never see menstrual blood.

Well-

People don't take pictures of it very much.

No. People aren't used to it.

People don't put it online.

No.

As much.

Well they do, not as much. But I follow a few people on Instagram that-

Who?

Well there's Menstruation Barbie.

Oh, right. But that's not in actual blood.

It's not in actual blood, but the ideas-

I'm talking the real deal.

Yeah.

Well there's Beauty in Blood.

Yes.

Like when guys get their faces... Beauty in Blood, sorry.

So, if someone-

[inaudible 00:05:07]

This is a guest of ours that we had previously, Jen Lewis.

And she works completely with menstruation blood and makes art with it.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I've heard of that.

Yeah, yeah. She puts it in water and then takes pictures of it basically.

Yeah.

So, that's-

You guys talked about that. That was the first thing you told me about when you were describing your podcast was that.

Yeah, yeah. Of her, yeah, Jen Lewis.

We love her.

[crosstalk 00:05:27] do a previous episode.

But actually, people post photos of them getting punched in the face, if they get knocked out.

That's what I'm saying.

Big scars like, "Oh, look at this." And that's coming out of where it's not supposed to.

Yes!

Yeah.

Which should be more gross.

I totally agree, right? Yeah, and this is what I think Jen was also talking about. There's this culture we're so obsessed with blood in terms of violence, but when it comes to menstrual blood-

Which is completely natural.

Yeah.

Functional.

Functional, right.

No violence.

Yeah, not violent at all. Again, there's a lot of shame associated with it.

Instead of there will be blood, there's supposed to be blood.

There's supposed to be blood, yeah.

That's the title.

Dammit, should we switch the name of our podcast now?

No, The Crimson Wave is amazing.

The Crimson Wave is a great, yeah.

Have people talked about The Crimson Wave?

No. What?

As soon as I heard about it, it made me think of the female version of all the guy, sexual pranks, like the snapdragon and... but then the crimson wave, I just thought about it today when I was going to it, like it's-

I don't even know. Can you explain these sexual [crosstalk 00:06:28]?

What do you mean? Yeah.

You guys haven't heard of these?

No.

They're online.

Okay.

Or in locker rooms in high school in guys' changing rooms. Where they're like really aggressive sexual positions that are extremely disrespectful to women.

Oh, really? Oh, wow.

You guys have heard of Dirty Sanchez?

Yes.

I've heard of it, I'm not quite certain what it is.

I've heard of Dirty Sanchez. I've never done it.

But it's also... I don't think anyone has done a lot of these. It's just people make them up and get creative. It's like snapdragon is like the girl's blowing you, and then when you come you slap her in the back of the head and it shoots out her nose. All these horrible things.

Right.

Oh, ewe. Wow.

Anyway, I didn't want to talk about that.

No, but-

No, we asked you, we asked you.

But a good example, those are a bunch of dude things. You don't hear a lot about what girls would do to a guy, and I feel like The Crimson Wave is the first perfect thing where a girl sees a guy where you basically you have a one night stand with a guy in the dark, and you just fuck them, he doesn't know, and then as you're leaving the doorway you give him The Crimson Wave.

The Crimson Wave. You wave with blood on your hand?

Yeah, as you walk out the door.

Oh, wow. I'm so tempted to do that.

And in total darkness.

I'm so tempted to do that.

That's what I thought of.

Listeners, if you try that, please let us know. Take pictures.

Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Not that we should... I mean I would never want to let a guy know that I'm on my period, because that would be-

No, it's just an example of the shitty-

But an example of a totally-

Of the shitty sexual pranks that people put on.

Absolutely.

That's so funny.

I don't think anyone does the guy ones, but yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Who knows.

Who knows. The Crimson Wave is a reference from Clueless actually. I think it's actually also a term that people... I don't know if it originated in Clueless.

I think it was just a popular '90s term.

It's a popular saying. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's a great name, and a possible new sexual prank.

Oh, man, yeah.

For the ladies.

Yeah, well, oh man.

Let's see what happens.

So, Christophe, let me tell you, so you heard... I did a set a couple weeks ago where I was just ranting and raving for like eight minutes. And I talked about how this man went down on me with his... with his period. He brought a period with him.

He went down on you with your period?

With my period, yeah. And then we chatted about it for a while after, you and I did.

Yeah.

Well, just about sex in general, but about sex on the period.

Yeah.

And you're very pro it?

Yeah. I wouldn't say I seek it out like a bear in the forest.

Yeah, yeah.

But certainly it doesn't make a difference.

Yeah, it doesn't make a difference. When you do go down on women with it? I can't remember what you said.

Oh, and oral sex on it, yeah, which is also... there's a lot of people who maybe have sex if a girl's on her period, but then even that can be out of the question sometimes.

Yes.

But then oral sex, from a lot of people I've heard, it's just like, it just not happens, it's a no go.

Yeah.

Absolutely. It's very... yeah, so all of our guests have basically said they wouldn't be comfortable with it. And I-

Which I think... yeah.

I had never experienced it before. And the only reason it happened to be honest, is because the guy was really wanting to do it. I love oral sex, I am the biggest advocate of it.

The best.

Of receiving it and giving it.

Hey guys, check it out.

But as he was going for it, I was like, "I have my period." I reminded him just before he'd come over, it's like "I have my period. So, just if you're not into that then you probably shouldn't come." And he was like, "I'm into it." And then he started going down on me. It's like, "Reminder, period happening down there." And he was like, "It's your birthday, I don't care." And continued doing it. And so I was like, "Oh, wow. I guess I'm comfortable with this, because it's currently happening." And it was fine because it wasn't really bloody, it was nearer the end anyway. But before that I'd basically been like, "I don't think I would be."

Well I think for a lot of people if it's heavier, if you wear a tampon.

Yeah. If you wear a tampon it doesn't matter I guess, right?

Yeah.

I don't know. What are your experiences?

But where there's a will... You just gave that he just went for it. There's a tampon, I don't know, if you really want to make someone feel great, there's ways around it.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And if you want to go down on someone or go down on a girl when she's on her period, you can just lick her clitoris.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah.

You can just go for the clit. Because I don't know if people are aware that it's above the vagina. And that the gross, the blood or gross in certain people's opinion, is below that, [inaudible 00:10:50] the vagina.

Yeah.

Exactly. Well, that's what I was saying.

So you can-

Yeah, yeah. Continue, sorry.

I don't know, you just don't have to go sweeping away at everything. There's a whole like [inaudible 00:10:59].

A lot of people aren't aware of it.

I think that the big problem is that a lot-

And people are like, "Oh, no." Just hands out, "Oh, it's gross, goodbye." And not looking for solutions to get people off, which is what we need to do as much as possible people.

Oh, my God. Amen brother.

Yeah.

I think-

One shot. One life to live. What else are you going to be on this planet?

I think the big problem is a lot of people don't know how the vagina looks. A lot of people fool around in the dark. A lot of people don't really know what they're doing. But they don't know the actual parts of the vagina.

They don't know the anatomy of it, yeah.

Yeah, so they don't realize that the clit is above the vaginal hole, and that they're two separate entities. I imagine.

People don't even know that... I watched this episode of Orange Is the New Black recently, do you watch Orange Is the New Black?

I'm on episode three of season two, so yeah.

I don't want to spoil it.

I've missed pretty...

Okay. Have you gotten to the part where they talk about the anatomy of the vagina?

No.

No. That's a later episode. We talked about it a couple episodes ago. Anyway, they just talk about it and describe it, and some women don't know about the urethra.

Yes.

They're not aware that there are two holes.

What?

Yeah.

It's so sad.

The character.

Well that's a television show, but I-

These are fictional characters.

But no, no. But that's based on reality. Absolutely there's women out there who have never looked at it.

Yeah, oh there are women out there, sure. Yeah.

Or touched themselves.

That's a big one. Is I really feel like a lot of-

That freaks me the fuck out.

It freaks me out, because I've been looking at my vagina since I can remember. It's a part of my body.

And is it just religion that's stopping them from looking?

Possibly.

I think it's fear.

Like a combination of I guess religion, body shame, people not wanting to look.

Yeah, yeah.

I think-

And it's funny-

Whether it's religious, come on, are you just not going to touch yourself forever?

Yeah.

Yes.

Like your whole life, so that God can just go down on you for eternity when you go to Heaven? [inaudible 00:12:40]

Well also if you're told that... A lot of women explore themselves when they're masturbating, right? You have to do it if you want to get yourself off. And a lot of women who don't masturbate, actively have never done it, partly because of the shame or because what they were taught, that it was bad when they were young, that it was evil. They haven't explored down there. That's how I figured out my parts. It's when I started getting jiggy with myself.

I still feel like I'm figuring out new parts all the time.

Oh, I absolutely am.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot to learn down there.

And every time a guy goes down on me-

The body's a wonderland, yeah.

The body is a wonderland. It's so funny though because I-

I should just get out of here.

Why?

You though, Christophe, you've very much looked into the eye of the vagina often, right? As a straight guy who goes down on women. It's interesting-

Yeah, I wrap the tablets around my nose. I put them really plugged in, right?

Oh, my God. But I just mean... or a lesbian woman.

Oh, it's so good. Sorry. Huge fan.

I've never just really looked at... I've never gone down on a woman. Have you? No?

No, no.

Okay. So, I-

But I've looked at my own vagina in a mirror.

Guys, it's the best.

Absolutely, but I've never been able to just really stare at it head on.

I have a pocket mirror.

As you have.

Everyone's different. And I think there's more variety in vaginas than there are penises.

For sure.

Like dicks that look different, but there's just so many different-

See this is the thing, I also haven't seen up close a ton of vaginas.

There is an art exhibit in Tasmania, so it's going to be a bit of a... but it's worth. $2500 flight, 60 bucks to get into the museum. But I'm sure it's moving around. But I was there a few years ago and it was someone did a cast, a white, I think they cast it, and it ended up being in some kind of plaster I think. Of about several hundred, maybe 500 different vaginas.

I feel like I've heard of this.

And you walk along the hallway and you're just looking at all these white casts of vaginas. And not one is even... none of them look the same.

I was literally talking to someone about this last night. We were talking about how sometimes girls will be like, "That pennis is gross." And then vise versa, guys will say that. And what I was trying to say is that every penis and every vagina is different. And when you love... usually you're fine with a vagina because you like the person you're going down with. Or vice versa, you usually hate a dick because you associate it with that person. So it's not necessarily the dick or the vagina, it's the person associated with it.

But taste is much more important than look.

Taste.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wait, this is an interesting question.

Yeah.

It's not really related to menstruation, but it's an interesting question.

Well, we can talk about the taste of menstrual blood as well.

Oh, wow.

[inaudible 00:15:24]

No, I don't think I've ever specifically been aware of tasting menstrual blood, but just every vagina tastes completely different.

Well, I was going to say, have you noticed, if you've been with a vegan or a meat-eater, have you noticed any differences?

Or the difference in diets, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, there was one time when I was younger, one time, but there was a girl... they've all been generally pretty good. And then if I really like a girl usually there's that, someone smells, it's the same, if you smell... you know when you have that chemistry with someone, then yeah, then they're just delicious, through and through.

Oh my God. Prince charming.

But there was one... No, it's just the truth.

No, you're right.

Yeah, it is true.

It is also, yeah.

But yeah, there was one time a girl, really nice, but she didn't eat much, she only had a salad a day, was not eating enough, and so her PH was all off because it's the acid balance, and that is really important. So, it was akin to like sticking your tongue on a nine-vault battery. It was so sour.

Wow, interesting.

Yeah, but you know that feeling? You ever done that as a kid?

No, I haven't.

No.

No?

No, but I know, that metaly taste?

Yeah, but it's... yeah, she was great, a nice person, but just wasn't eating enough and so her... yeah, just eating salads, everything was off.

Yeah, everything was off.

Well, it affects you, yeah. Wow, interesting.

But it makes sense. I mean it's like this... yeah.

Yeah, because everything you eat-

I guess different come tastes different. I never really-

Yes, it does.

It does.

They say that eating pineapple will make it sweeter. Not eating meat.

Meat and cigarettes will make it bitter.

I haven't really noticed that much.

Yeah, drugs make it very harsh.

Yeah.

You know what's so interesting is-

Your body's filtering it, yeah.

When I went down on this guy last week. Well anyway, I was doing it, and then he was like, "I'm going to come, I'm going to come. Jess, I'm coming. Jess, Jess." And he kept saying it. And I was like, I usually let the guy finish in my mouth because it's better for him, it's just more enjoyable.

Yeah.

And he kept saying it over. And I was like, "What are you doing? Why do you keep telling me? I get it. Let it happen, you don't need to..." And then after it happened he was like, "Wow, I'm just so used to not... a lot of previous women I've been with haven't enjoyed that." And I'm like, "yeah, well." I guess it's interesting. I just have never done it any differently.

Yeah. But did you ever think that-

Yeah? You're just sticking to your old ways there [crosstalk 00:17:53].

But I guess it's also if a guy's going down on me, and he, when I'm coming, doesn't keep going. It feels so much worse.

Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, you're not having that contact while you're having an orgasm, you want to continue to tap that three or four more times kids.

Yeah, you want to continue, right? Absolutely. So I still-

No matter who you are. No matter if you're asexual or a man or a woman.

Isn't it the same?

Yeah.

Doesn't it feel better?

No, they're all the same... Of course.

When it finished in the mouth.

Of course, it's weird when there's all this air and it's not that warm.

Yeah, you want to keep it warm and around, of course.

Yeah, so I'm just a generous person, so I've always done that.

No, anyone who moves away while someone's orgasming is really bad at sex.

Wow.

No, that's okay, it doesn't mean you'll always be, it's just right now you are. You can improve in your life, and I'm sorry if that's you.

I'm sorry if that's you.

Who's listening now, whoever's listening. But you can become a better, more connected lover.

Yeah. Well, I just know from me personally. I mean I know some people really find it unappetizing, and I understand that. Sure, sure, do what you're comfortable with, I get it. But I just have always done that.

Oh, I didn't mean swallowing specifically, I just mean contact. Whether it's hands-

Oh yeah, I do not swallow.

Spit and hands or something. Just keep-

That's the thing, she doesn't swallow.

I do not fucking swallow.

She does this magic trick where she walks over to the bathroom and spits it out.

Spit it out, instantly. I do not swallow, I never will. But I spit it out. I spit it out. But I let it finish in my mouth, and then I spit it out.

That's really... yeah. To me, I feel like you're getting more of the taste of come by doing that, than if you just swallowed.

Than swallowing. Yeah, maybe. Just swish it around for a while.

Well you're holding it in your mouth and walking out of the room.

You're right. And sometimes the bathroom's quite far.

And then you're spitting it out and it's just flapping across your tongue again.

Yeah, you're right. I really taste it.

I'm just saying. So, you obviously love the taste of come, and you're just trying to [crosstalk 00:19:40].

[crosstalk 00:19:38]

[crosstalk 00:19:39] later. Later.

Just break out the toothbrush.

That's so funny. No, I don't swallow, I'm not comfortable with that. I feel like, I don't know, I've never tried it. I guess I could.

It's not a big deal.

No.

It's not a big deal.

Probably not.

I guess you're right.

I said no. [inaudible 00:19:51], whoops.

Yeah, yeah. No it's not.

But yeah, I swallow when I'm licking with a girl, it's just a constant and never being shut out.

I guess, yeah.

But yeah, you are definitely tasting it way more by doing that.

Than is necessary technically.

Than if it shot in the back of your mouth and you just swallow it away. I'm not telling you saying you have to, I think that's just-

No, yeah, that's interesting.

Yeah, [inaudible 00:20:13].

I don't find it that horrible though. I've never-

It's not that horrible.

No.

Save it for the special guys.

Yeah, yeah.

For the true loves.

The true love I'll swallow, yeah. If I swallow your come, you know I love you, right?

Yeah.

Who am I talking to right now? I'm saying that into the mic as if I'm speaking to someone.

You'll know, it'll just hit your uvula like a bell. And then it'll be like, "He's the one."

Wow. This has been-

We have gotten off menstruation.

Way off menstruation.

But that's fine.

Oh, sorry.

Oh my god, no, we love it.

Don't say sorry.

We love it.

We talk about sex so much here. It's all connected. It's all connected.

So, let's talk about this, what was your first acknowledgement of menstruation? Do you have sisters, memories?

Or a memory. What's your first memory? Yeah, do you have sisters? What's your deal?

My first acknowledgement of... yeah, that's a thing.

Yeah.

I think I was around seven or eight, and I was swimming in a lake with my sister and my dad and my step-mom.

Oh.

And my step-mom was younger, and she was like a young woman so I would obviously look at her. And then we were all skinny dipping, and it was the summertime... right, a creepy little seven-year-old. And I remember swimming and seeing her and my dad were up in front, everyone was naked, he was a French father whatever, they're weird. Or not weird, no body shame. But there was a little string. When she was swimming there was a little tampon strong hanging off. And so it was bright white, and I was like, "What?" And then I think I just put two and two together while I was swimming. I'd already heard about it or seen a commercial or something, or a box in the medicine cabinet. But then I saw a string hanging out, and being, "Well, that's-

That's something.

That's for real, yeah.

Did you inquire about it? Do you?

No.

No?

No, no. Just it was like, "Oh, there it is." I don't think I-

But you knew it was a tampon?

Yes. Like real heavy questions, really drilling questions were in high school with my girlfriends, I would just quiz them.

What did you ask them? Just-

Yeah.

Anything, everything. How much, does it hurt, what does it feel like? I'm still curious about them. Cramps still I find just... because you can describe the pain, but it's... but not specifically-

Yeah. And they're so different from woman to woman.

And it depends on the woman, and it's not different. So, that actually has me more fascinated than anything, because it's a sensation and I won't know what that's like, even though it's supposed to be terrible, it's still really curious because it's this thing.

Yeah.

It's so unique to women, yeah. I mean you-

I didn't have a lot of cramps this time. I was moody. I get really moody.

This last period? Yeah, yeah.

Do you notice anything from past girlfriends? Did you notice when they were getting their period?

In terms of their mood shifts do you think?

Mood.

I don't know. I think I just blank it all out in all relationship. No, that sounded like an hacking, that's not what I meant. But I mean is even just relationships or any of the times where we're like... I don't remember a lot of the fights, and ones that were really big.

Okay, which is good.

And maybe those were during the period, but I never really tried to be like, "Oh, it's..." I think every once in a while you'd wake up in the morning and she might be a little extra snippy, and then it's like, "Oh, okay. Got her period." She's like, "Oh, I got my period, that's why I called you a piece of shit this morning."

Right, right.

Like, "Okay."

Did you notice that women get hornier when they were menstruating?

The same ones that get angry? Is this like a theory you're trying?

No, no, no.

No, in general. In general.

No, generally do women get hornier, have you noticed that?

Have you noticed?

No. I've heard of it. And I've been with girls who are horny on it. But in a larger lesser [inaudible 00:23:57] not a number that I would find noticeable.

Interesting.

Yeah. You get more hormonal, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think you get more hormonal. For me I find the least time, which I found was interesting, the least time I'm horny is right after my period.

Oh, yeah, well that makes sense.

Well, it's because it's so shiny and new you just want to drive it around for a bit before you let anyone else get in the car.

Yeah, yeah.

You got to drive it around.

I need some time with just me.

Yeah. Just driving, going at 40 down Bellora Street, checking out the signs.

I'm usually... well, I don't know. If I didn't want to have sex, I feel like I usually have sex on my period. But if there was ever a really heavy period and a lot of cramps and I didn't want to have sex, I was so fucking horny when it was finished because I just hadn't had sex, I hadn't done it for a little while.

Right.

But I'm always horny. We always talk about this.

Well, I find that I masturbate up to leading my period a lot. And then on my period like crazy.

Right.

Like crazy.

On your period?

Yes.

Oh.

Is there an equivalent of that for guys? I remember hearing something in the research-

Like a hormone shifting you mean?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Like there's a specific-

They are on a cycle but it's different. It's much longer.

Right.

I don't know.

It's not talked about very often.

Is it every three months or something?

I have no clue.

It's something like that, it is longer.

Because I have a friend who was like on a period, a guy, who I'm not going to mention his name because he'd get so mad. But yeah, I swear every three months I was like, "This guy's on his period." And he would get really upset because he would just get fucking really pissed off.

Well, I'm sure a lot of stuff affect... I don't know. A lot of stuff affect your hormones.

No, yeah, men do have hormones, right. And it does go up and down. And it's something that we actually don't talk about a lot, because men do get hormonal.

Just fucking grow up, toughen up bud, or buddy.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean even when you eat affects your hormone levels. So I mean it's constantly shifting.

Blood sugar.

Yeah, blood sugar and all that stuff.

So have you boughten tampons for a girlfriend?

Oh, yeah, course.

Yeah.

Have you had any experiences with The DivaCup?

I've been with one girl who's had one. And I thought it was incredible. I thought, yeah, wow, no bleach. Cotton itself, it's absorbent, but...

Yeah.

Can it dry you out at all? Or no, is the body like just consistently giving-

It's not consistent. I've put in a tampon when it's a lighter period, and when it pull out it's painful.

So fucking painful.

It's very painful.

And I've had to do that, especially... Well, I mean I only started using tampons recently. But when I first tried to use them like 15 years ago or something, and testing and trying to get them in, and sometimes you get it in part way and you haven't pushed it up far enough, and then you have to take it out, you got to put in a new one, right?

That's painful, that's painful.

Because you're like, "Oh, it's not up far enough. And I got to start again." So you got to rip it out, so that sucks because you had just put it in so it's totally dry. Yeah, it's not a good experience.

It seems like so much effort designed just so that you don't have to touch your vagina that much.

It is.

It totally is, yeah.

It is, because you literally just hold it, put it in, and that's it. Yeah.

With the applicator. Yeah, yeah.

And then you pull it out with the string.

Yeah.

It seems a design just for someone who literally doesn't even want to look at it. Just squinting their head and looking away, and being like, "Okay, I'm done."

Meanwhile, now that I'm worried that I have two of them in me, I'm just like sticking my fingers in there, being like, "Let's make sure there's only one."

Yeah.

Let's make sure.

That's amazing. Yeah, that's-

Does that give you an OCD thing now? Where you're always going to check before?

No, it'll for sure happen again.

Oh my God.

If I don't switch to a menstrual cup.

Right.

And then I'm worried I'll get a menstrual cup stuck in me, but that's okay.

Actually, get this. I had a friend send me a message the other day out of the blue. She lives in Vancouver, I haven't spoken to her in months, she said, "My DivaCup's stuck inside me!" Sent me this message. And I was like, "Wow, I'm so touched that you messaged me." She's like, "No one else will talk to me about it. And it's stuck inside, so I went right to you." Yeah. And then I was like, "I haven't used it, so I can't really give you advice."

No one will talk to her about it?

Yeah. She just said people are grossed out. And then 10 minutes later she was like, "I got it out, thank God!" But yeah, funny people are reaching out to... yeah. But she said it was a struggle. And apparently it happens often, a lot of women... or they can't get it in, it takes a few times, and then when you do get it in sometimes you can't get it out at first.

Well, it's a bunch of twisting.

Yeah.

It's a twisting mechanism that you have to figure out.

But when you get it in, when you learn how to do it well, there's no leakage. But this is another thing, so another friend of mine recently, she said that when she first started using it she would wear panty liners because she wasn't that good at... she hadn't perfected it.

Yeah.

The placement of it. And now she's aces.

I still haven't-

Put a little practice nets.

Yeah.

I still don't think I've perfected tampons, so.

Oh, I definitely, I've only been wearing them for a couple months, so I haven't.

I've been wearing them for at least 10 years.

Yeah.

And you got two in there.

Yeah.

You should just, yeah, go seven next time. Just pull one, one day a week.

It's a new party trick.

Monday, Tuesday.

Well I mean for me because I just started wearing them, it's taking me a long time to get those suckers in. But I have friends that are like, zoop, zoop, very quickly. Same with The DivaCup. My roommate put it in the other day and it just slipped right in. I mean I wasn't watching.

Yeah, how do you know?

But she told me. She was in the bathroom for like 20 seconds.

So more questions for you. More questions.

Okay.

This is a hypothetical question. Do you want, maybe you do or don't want children. But say you had children.

Yeah.

And you had little girls that one day had their period, what advice would you give them? They came up to you, and they're like, "Daddy, something's happening."

Well, "Hey, little darling, there is this series podcast called The Crimson Wave that you can listen to. Where Daddy tells you it's okay, and this is all part of life."

Oh, my God. That's amazing. I hope all fathers recommend us to their daughters.

Yeah, from now on this is what's going to happen.

Yeah. "What do I do, Daddy?" "Go to iTunes, that's what you do."

Yeah. I'm surprised there isn't more... well, I guess it could be a legal thing. But I still think there should be instructional porn, but for I guess teens, 16 is what I'll say, for legal reasons. But for people who, as soon as they become sexually active or possibly, it should be sexually explicit education.

There must be something.

There probably is.

I guess there is.

But it's weird, yeah.

But is it lame?

It's for sure cheesy.

And is it not answering a lot of... I guess podcasts are kind of doing that though. Dan Savage, Crimson Wave. For real, now if you go on the internet you can search and find that stuff on your own.

I don't think it's lame at all. I think it would be incredibly helpful.

I think what they would do is they would use adults.

Of course.

No, no, no. Of course, yeah.

Oh my God.

Whoa, Natalie.

It's really warm in here right now, okay?

Where did you go with that?

It's really warm.

No, good idea. Good idea, Natalie. Adults, interesting.

Oh, my God.

18 and up. Wow, really going out on a limb.

Jesus Christ.

I'm going to go out on a limb and go 18 and up.

Okay, guys I'm really hot, it's a very hot summer day.

Yeah, you're delusional right now.

Exactly. I think I have water [inaudible 00:31:15].

I don't know about you Jess, but I think Natalie brought up a great point.

Yeah, yeah, definitely adults for the educational porn.

I was thinking of this as like... okay guys, [crosstalk 00:31:25].

No, but you know what, I think that would be a great idea. I think that would be a great idea. And I think that there could be that for helping young girls with-

Menstruation.

Yeah, answering some questions about menstruation as well, because... I mean God Almighty, I haven't looked on YouTube, but there are probably some women showing you how to put in a tampon. I have no idea. I'm sure-

I think that would be restricted content.

You think so?

Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

Maybe.

That's what I meant by... I guess meant it's considered sexually explicit. Like putting a tantom in... tantom?

Tantom.

Tantom, yeah, yeah.

It's a new one I've invented. It's derived from The DivaCup. It's like a tampon but... I'm done with that. And I'm dropping that one.

I like the tantom.

The tantom?

Can I have some water?

Sure.

Thank you.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think it would be for sure restricted.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, it would be considered sexually explicit because there's penetration with an object.

Yeah, but it'd be so great.

I think there should be like a-

We're going to do it.

Oh, God.

We're going to do it.

We're going to release it, yeah.

It's not going to be me putting a tampon in myself, but we will hire a famous porn star to do it.

Right.

Well, Natalie joked that I was going to live record putting in a DivaCup for the first time.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, we'll see.

Just with audio record?

Yeah, just audio record.

I'm not joking, you're going to.

That's super funny. Actually in the podcast, Christine and I, we were talking about that before, but... yeah, the podcast coming up. No date set. Check it up. Called-

Yeah, Christophe's new podcast.

What's it called?

It's called go-fuck-yourself.

Okay.

I love it.

With Christina Walkinshaw.

Great comedian. She's been a guest on The Crimson Wave.

Oh, yeah, nice. And she's killing it right now. Just coming back from Just For Laughs. We're going to have you guys as guests hopefully this week.

That's right.

Yeah.

And then yeah, probably come to school time, we'll release it-

Come to school time for all the teens to listen.

Come fresh week.

Yeah.

But yeah, the reason I brought that up is we were thinking of it's like a sex [inaudible 00:33:20] podcast of recording people's orgasms.

Oh, baby.

That would be amazing.

Have you watched the masters-

And then have a true or false kind of thing even maybe.

Course, yeah.

What do you mean, true or false?

Like is it real or not.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

That's [crosstalk 00:33:35]

You'd have to get-

Oh, cool. And have your guest listen and be like, "Is it real or is it not?"

Yeah, and they can live tweet it. But I think it's a porn because I think a lot of people are self-conscious when they're having sex.

Right.

So, I think it would be important for them to hear like, "Oh, this is normal, everyone's different. This is what this person sounds like." And you might sound different.

Yeah.

Right.

So I think that would be a really positive experience.

Yeah, that's the plan.

I'd be interested to hear what I sound like.

I know what I sound like.

I guess... what do I sound like? It's so funny. This is another thing, because I've been having more sex recently. Anyway, thank you. Thank you very much. But I'm having more comparisons to different people and how they orgasm. Some guys are just silent. And especially if I'm-

Girls too, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Just like I can't even, I wouldn't even be able to know that they're orgasming at all. And especially if I'm giving them a blowjob, I'm like, I have no idea, "Is there semen in my mouth?"

"Is it okay?"

Yeah, it was happening right now. And other guys are just so fucking loud. So, it's very interesting.

But I wonder if that's a comfort level thing.

I think it depends on who you're with, for sure.

Yeah.

Maybe, yeah.

And also are they stifling themselves because they're embarrassed?

Right.

Because they're in someone else's place.

Yeah.

You got roommates.

Sure.

Like when I masturbate, I've always lived with other people, so I would keep myself quiet because you don't want to wake someone else up.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Right? So, is that something that now goes into my sexual life with other people?

Yeah.

Maybe. I think if you're really feeling good, you can verbally express that, even if you haven't for years.

No, yeah.

Yeah, right.

You could just start going, "Yay!"

Yeah.

But is it-

It's very simple. "This is great."

Yeah. "This is really working out." That is something I would say too.

Yeah. Do we have any other... I'm trying to think of other questions.

Do you have anything you want to share with us?

What was it? Oh, I mean I didn't know if you guys talk about... I was wanting to prepare, I wasn't sure.

No, yeah.

But just if you guys talk about political stuff, or?

Absolutely.

Yes, we love it.

[inaudible 00:35:40] C-36, you guys chat about that on podcast yet?

Wait, is that the one with the-

Prostitution.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah. We were just talking about that.

Let's talk about it.

Yeah, let's get into it a little bit. For those who don't know, the Canadian Government, the Supreme Court struck down the current prostitution laws, and because they felt that some of them prohibited, infringed upon the Charter of Rights and freedom of life liberty and all that. I think liberty must be in the States. I have no political. But you get my drift.

So yeah, they were going all for that. So they struck it down, and then the federal government had to respond, and they did. And the new Bill C-36 which you should look up online and read a bit about it, they've just passed it through, it's supposed to be actually becoming a law or a Bill or whatever, go into legislated in December.

Okay.

And it's pretty bad. It's making it worse.

Yeah.

Basically they're calling it now, prostitution is legal so they can protect the victims, which is what they call every sex worker, which is already bullshit.

Which is... yeah.

Yeah.

But it's not-

Already fucking...

Yeah, absolutely.

I'm sure there's people who suffer in every job. But you can't call every single sex worker a victim.

Absolutely.

No.

And it's such an old white man way to look at it. Like, "Oh, she doesn't know what she's doing. She couldn't have control over her own sexuality."

Yeah, totally.

But basically it's saying it's legal to sell sex, but illegal to buy it. Which is like-

Yes, yes.

Yeah, it is a loophole, right, yeah.

It's just fucked up.

What is that even... is that a law? Or some kind of a riddle you get from a troll when you're going on an adventure under a bridge. Like, "What is a legal to sell but illegal to buy?" And, "I don't know you fucking crazy troll. What are you?" "I'm the Conservative Government of Canada."

So, you can be arrested for buying it, but you can't be arrested for selling it?

Correct. But what you're selling is illegal, so you're going to be around a bunch of criminals I guess, because those are your clients, your clients are criminals.

Right.

Also, if anyone is willing to be that, then they are in fact a criminal. Not to mention it's also illegal to make any money, so basically cutting out any money off of someone else prostituting themselves whatsoever. Which they say is to get rid of pimping, but honestly that means there's a whole... sex workers have an entire network of support services.

Yes.

There's advertisements which is the big one. Now Magazine basically makes about 700 grand a year which they... Now Magazine won't be able to exist.

Yeah, that's how they fund... yeah.

You can't have Now Magazine-

Without the sex ads.

Without the sex ads in the back. So, that's-

So how are you supposed to get your business out there?

Push out on... Unless you're good at web design, going to have to start street hooking. That's what... if people are... and that's the problem. It's actually going to hit the most desperate, those who are kind of on the line of maybe this is what they need to do for a job, this is what they've decided to do, whatever, they're in this moment. And maybe they're not good at web design, or they'd be a web designer.

Yeah.

So I actually know some sex workers who are great web designers, and they're going to be good.

Yeah.

They're good to go. They don't mind. They already kind of work for themselves.

Right, they're independent.

But if you've got people who are probably closer to victims, then you are fucking over the ones who could potentially be in a victimized state, because they can't build their own website. And someone can go to jail for 10 years if they build the website for them or even web host it.

Really?

Well, it's the law, the Bill that they're passing is so vague that that could easily be interpreted depending upon what the judge is.

Right.

So that's what's happening right now. The government's trying to get in people's pants like a giant pervert.

Pretty usual.

In the bad way. Perverts are great. But-

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it just makes me angry. And my blood pressure just went up, for sure.

It is. It's upsetting because I think the important thing to remember with sex workers whatnot, is that yes there are victims like you said, but a lot of people do choose to do it because they like it, or they find that this is a way to make money for them and it's easier than other ways. Not everyone wants to work, if they like sex maybe, they don't want to work a retail job that pays $10 an hour, when they can do something that they think is fun.

Absolutely. And a lot of sex workers, the ones I know, really like sex. And they're just been tuned in right from the get go it's something they want, they like to have a lot of orgasms, and so just seems to be a decent place for them.

Yeah, it's their lifestyle.

I know. I feel like even in [inaudible 00:40:03] today, there's so much judgment placed on sex workers.

Oh, the majority of people I think still-

Even [inaudible 00:40:08] just daily. The other day, a friend of mine, some guy said to her, "You dress like a prostitute." As an insult. And I was like, "How is that... that shouldn't be an insult." You know what I mean? You're saying someone is dressed like a prostitute has this negative connotation.

Sure.

But it's someone's job.

And it's someone's job. And that to me is not... I mean that's also just slut shaming on so many levels. But regardless of that, that to me is not an insult, to dress like a prostitute is not a bad thing, if that prostitute wants to dress like that.

Yeah, they're providing a service that not everyone can provide.

Yeah.

And some people have trouble getting into relationships or meeting people.

Yeah.

So whatever they choose-

Or physical disabilities or-

Yeah, whatever it may be. They want to pay for sex. And-

Yeah, but like to-

And everyone wants it, and the human body goes nuts when it doesn't get it, there's horrible examples throughout history of different institutions where if you don't have sex it goes bad, you go batty, it's torture.

Yeah.

"You go batty." Batty, wow, what an understatement.

Yeah.

But I'm saying even the fact that calling someone a hooker is like an insult is so fucked up.

Oh, yeah. It's like when you hear whore way too often on the comedies on standup stage where a whore becomes a punchline.

Absolutely.

And they're like, "Ha, ha. She's a whore." And it's like, how did that become-

Yeah.

Acceptable.

Or how's that funny and it's also is often dismissive. It'll be like, "Oh, but she was a whore." And I just find that really, really [crosstalk 00:41:45].

I do. And it does irk me. And I'm pretty hyper-sensitive to stuff like that.

Someone who you think is left-leaning too. Someone who describes themself as left-leaning, and yet they're still like, "Yeah, well, you know." It's the whole... you guys saw that quote online of people that consume pornography shouldn't judge it. And all I remember is that last line of, "You point with the right hand, jerk off with the left."

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

And that so many people are guilty of that.

Yeah.

But it's because they're embarrassed to be using porn, which there's no reason to be embarrassed by it.

No.

Yeah.

It's providing you with something, stimulation, a different type of stimulation, a visual one. And it should be fine to consume and watch and whatever, and partake in it if you want. My curious thing is though with sex workers, is what happens when they have their period?

Right.

Oh, way to bring it back to The Crimson Wave.

But no, seriously, think about it. Do they have to take the time off? Or do they wear... there is this thing called the C-Sponge where they can put it in.

Yeah, that's right.

Do they confront their clients and they're like... or is there customers who seek period blood?

I have... yeah.

Probably. There's probably a [inaudible 00:42:57] fetish.

There's a-

[crosstalk 00:42:59] or a fetish.

There is a market for everything.

Yeah, there is.

Someone might-

These are some interesting questions, we're going to have to figure out the answers to.

Absolutely. Well I mean I can't believe actually I've got a few sex worker friends in Montreal and Toronto, who I've never asked them that.

Well now you're going to have a ton of-

I'm going on some research.

One more thing. If there's people who masturbate online.

Yes.

Oh, webcam?

Webcam. There's a girl in Montreal, there is vice article about how she [inaudible 00:43:22], what does she do when she has her period? I have so many questions for these women.

Yeah. Well, she could probably masturbate with a tampon in, right?

I don't know. Depends how she masturbates.

It's true. If she wants to insert, that's true. We're all different, right?

So many questions.

We're all snowflakes.

Guys, we're just learning so much.

We're out of time though.

Oh, that's as much as we can learn.

We could talk to you all day, Christophe, my God, this is great.

Well, I had a blast, this was so much fun.

Thank you for being our guest.

Yeah, I still don't do a lot of podcasts, I get nervous, even though I'm doing my own. So it's nice when it's a fun chat.

Yeah.

No, this is great. Oh my God, yeah.

Wait, Twitter handle.

Oh, yeah. How can they get in contact with you? The people.

Yeah, if you're angry or want to correct something that I said that was probably wrong, you can just tweet me @thischristophe. It's Christopher without the R. C-H-R-I-S-T-O-P-H-E.

This Christophe.

And Facebook if they want to come see you some shows.

Oh, yeah. Come see a show. We'll do some Diva shots. Once Jess is ready we'll do some [inaudible 00:44:24].

Yeah, do some shots of my blood.

Christophe Davidson just on Facebook, I got a page there.

On Facebook. Yeah, great. Cool.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Instagram. The same as twitter.

Oh yeah, follow, because I'm on Instagram.

You can follow us on Instagram too.

Yeah.

Yeah, please do. You can follow me @missjessbeaulieu, that is Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr.

And you can follow me on stalkingnatalie, which is also Twitter and Instagram.

Perfect.

Oh, yeah.

Well, thank you so much for listening everybody.

This has been The Crimson Wave.

This has been The Crimson Wave as a reminder. I think we said The Crimson Wave about 50 times during this episode, which is great, branding. Cool, well thank you so much. Please remember to subscribe, rate us, tell your friends.

And ovulator.

Ovulator.

Go with the flow.

(singing)

Go with the flow.

(singing)

Go with the flow.

(singing)

Show Notes:

On this week's episode your hosts Jess Beaulieu and Natalie Norman welcome our THIRD MAN to the show, the amazing comedian Christophe Davidson! They chat with the incredible Christophe about #periods #divacups #blowjobs #orgasms #oralsex #theclitoris #menstrualblood #billC36 AND SO MANY OTHER FASCINATING THINGS.

To find out more about Christophe follow him on twitter @thischistophe

To find out more about The Crimson Wave follow us on twitter @TheCrimsonWave

and Jess @msjessbeaulieu and Natalie @stalkingnatalie

Soft. Really soft!